Visualize Whirled Peas

 I admit it — I’m a dork. I love puns, and I easily laugh at silliness. This serious business of having a human experience calls for all the levity we can muster. Holy Joviality!

I can feel much more gratitude for a situation when I can find that absurdity, whether overt or hidden. It makes the issue less personal, and more from a temporary reality. I’m referring to generalities here—there are certainly times when finding the humor would be both extremely difficult and enormously inappropriate. Even there, though, I can find humor in some of my reactions, though usually in retrospect.

Today, I’ll turn those wonderful Emily Latilla comments into my mantras, from stopping the violins to visualizing whirled peas (though I’m not sure that was hers). 

And whenever I can, I’ll smile sweetly and utter her famous catchphrase: Nevermind.

Standing My Ground

  Whether I’m right or whether I’m wrong   Whether I find a place in this world or never belong    I gotta be me, I've gotta be me    What else can I be but what I am    Walter Marks

I’m grateful to be me, right now, in this place, experiencing all that I am going through. Life school is still teaching me, and I like to sit right up front. Current lessons seem to be about finding the holiness in every situation as I recognize it’s passing through my life.

Joy, happiness, hope, anticipation, a little bit of fear and apprehension; they’re all woven parts of the tapestry of Now, and they all add their unique colors and textures. The tapestry’s name is Sandy, and it has it’s own beauty. There are pulled threads where I’ve tried to hang on, holes where I didn’t grab ahold of opportunities, and many serendipitous scenes which seemingly emerged out of nowhere.

It’s not finished, this tapestry named Sandy. The weaving continues, the surprises emerge, the stitches may hold or may unravel a little bit; it all adds to the texture. I live in Today, still learning to be myself, as I watch it all unfold, day by day, as I sit in the front of my class of one.

I’m deeply grateful for those who see me, understand me, stand by me, love me, encourage me, and let me be me.

This is my ground. This is where I stand, love, learn, and watch the tapestry of me continue to be woven.

Answering the Call

You are the heart, you are the hands, you are the voice of Spirit on earth. And who you are, and all you do, is a blessing to the world.  Karen Drucker

I believe we are all emissaries of the Divine. One person prays, one person delivers. If I am open to the nudging from Spirit, I can find myself in the Holy Flow, all while unaware of how what I do, say, or offer may positively affect another.

As an example, I went to my spiritual home last night night for the simple offering of salads and sweets prior to a teaching. This is the normal schedule for Wednesday nights. I asked one of the women who had prepared the night’s meal how people signed up to help out. As it happened, she was the one in charge of volunteers, so there was that. I said I’d like to bring a salad sometime, so she offered an open date, which fit my schedule. 

After the teaching, the other woman serving told me that the first one had confided to her that she had no one to help with the date she offered me, and was a little bit concerned. Very soon after this, I had made my offer of assistance. Boom!

This is a small, seemingly insignificant example of Spirit in action, but that’s what it’s all about to me. Nothing is too small, nothing is too insignificant, nothing at all is too big for the Creator of All to orchestrate. We are the Eyes, we are the Ears, we are the Hands, we are the Heart. We are the Givers and we are all the receivers of lessons and of blessings. 

I am grateful to be a part of this Holiness. All I have to do is to take action when called.

Gratitude in the Middle

 I have projects going. I love it when I can imagine each ones’s completion. 

My main project at the moment is an overhaul of a bedroom set I purchased in 1988. It was full of the glory of it’s era: orange-colored oak (I suppose “golden” would be it’s description), brass and ceramic pulls, some of which didn’t make the transition to the present, and all the wear and tear that just happens. 

This project has been years in the making; What color? How? Where to do it? How do I start? and all the other Master Procrastinator’s excuses. Finally - finally - the end is in sight! The progress is unmistakable, because it no longer comes close to resembling it’s original state. I’m so pumped by this project that I will throw a Bedroom Set Party! Consider this post your invitation! Date and time TBA.

This has taught me some lessons, or at least highlighted some of my self-sabotaging ways. If I never begin, then I don’t have to worry about the end product not being “perfect”. If I don’t use any of the materials I’ve amassed for other projects, then I’ll never run out of them. Always ready, never moving. 

Well, not anymore! Here’s one nearly done! And the sense of gratitude I feel runs deep. Thank You for creative thoughts. Thank You for supportive friends. Thank You for the income which allowed me to buy the needed materials.

Thank You for the view from the middle!

In This Moment

 Praying. It doesn’t have to be the blue iris, it could be weeds in a vacant lot, or a few small stones; just pay attention, then patch a few words together and don’t try to make them elaborate, this isn’t contest but the doorway into thanks, and a silence in which another voice may speak.  Mary Oliver

We certainly know that there aren’t always the obvious things—the irises—which give rise to an easy offering of gratitude. There are those stoney moments which challenge me to gratitude. What, right now, am I grateful for? The slow healing of a sudden fracture; the refreshing breeze through my balcony door; the coming-together of a project in all it’s imperfections and it’s beauty; the joy in watching my cat have the “zoomies” followed by his complete relaxation; those flutters of hope which keep me in a state of expectation.

I’ve had my coffee. I’ve made my bed. I am ready for this day. In this moment, I am right here, right now. I will hold times of silence and times of prayer throughout the day. I will be reminded to return to Now, and I will do so.

In this moment, all is well, and for that, I am grateful.

It’s Not Set in Stone

 Gratitude appears in many divergent ways. If I have a set idea of what outcome will lead to gratitude, then I’m simply off-base. When I envision only one way to express gratitude, I have limited my own creative expression. 

Today, I am thankful for the lovely day I had yesterday. The weather was perfect, people were out enjoying their day, the overall mood was one of happiness. How wonderfully easy to feel gratitude for all of that!

Also today, I didn’t feel rested and restored when I got up. In fact, my body had some things to say about what it felt after a day out. Well, fine then. I have the ability to change plans, and my friends understand that sometimes I have to do just that. Gratitude! I missed being in the building, but since the service I attend is live streamed, I didn’t miss out completely. Gratitude! Going back to bed for awhile and taking my pain meds allow me to now get back to my day, gently. Gratitude!

Looking for and feeling the gratitude in all circumstances is sometimes easy and sometimes difficult, but finding those elements for which I can express true thanks keeps me in the higher vibration in which I want to live. 

Gratitude has many forms, and is found in a multitude of ways. It doesn't need me to define how it will show up, or how I will find it. Expressing it will change my outlook—and that is set in stone.

At Ease with What Is

 Today, I feel the freedom of being just fine with life as it is. My needs are met, and I have extra to give. I know how very fortunate I am.

I take dips from time-to-time in the Pool of What-If, but I don’t stay long. Much more often, I find myself in the space of excitement about what’s next. This moment is beautiful, and I know I will experience so many more just like it. It’s a feeling of complete joy. 

I think these moments are when I’m closest to my Creator. I feel the wonder of creation and the loveliness of Now. I have the memories gathered today to see me through the challenges I will face—and I will face them. It’s Life at it’s fullest.

Today I’m taking a field trip to see the tulip gardens and magnificent views of Ananda Village. This is a yearly pilgrimage, and I’m being treated to it by friends. What joy there is in all aspects of that! A beautiful, bountiful, joyous day!

All I need to do today is relax into the wonder of it all. Aahhhh…

Freedom from the Past

 Today I am deeply grateful for new beginnings, large and small. Today is one of of large ones—today I celebrate 11 years of sobriety. 

I am always free of the past in the sense that it is gone, it is done, it is over, and no amount of angst or wishful thinking can change it. I can, however, learn from it. I can reflect on both losses and successes, and on those things which led me down paths of extreme lessons. I can recognize, in retrospect, how I couldn’t see the red flags, and how I missed them. I can enjoy the luscious memories, reliving those moments of happiness while remaining firmly grounded in Today.

Today is a day of celebration and gratitude. If I hadn’t been willing to admit the defeat of will-power alone, if I didn't have the courage to go to my first meetings and say “I’m just like you”, I wouldn’t know the fullness of life that I feel today. I was given the gift of Good Orderly Direction; what to do, how to do it, and the invaluable help of those who had similar challenges, along with my connection to my Higher Power.

Today, right beside the people I admire most, I celebrate myself—but there will be no champagne!

When Gratitude is Easy

 Today is one of those days of Easy Gratitude. I awoke naturally after getting enough sleep. I had my first cup of coffee - a breve latte, followed by a lovely group prayer, meditation, and check-in. My cat is mellow, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I can hear the music of laughter as my neighbors get together below my balcony to stock up on fresh fruits and veggies.

It’s easy on a day such as this to feel the gratitude I want to feel every day. On days like this one, I soak it all in, feel it through and through, and aim to bank the feeling in my body, so I can call on it on days where the gratitude is harder to find. I have felt in the past that if I can call up the memory of something which felt wonderful, I can re-feel it. It can work as a catalyst to get me more aware of the goodness which I may not be able to see in the moment. 

Those kind of days happen too, to all of us. Thank Goodness for these good days, the memories of which let me know that the sun will shine again for me. Nothing is permanent, even if I feel like I’ve been grounded in quick-drying cement. I can be assured that that cement will crumble at the very thought of all that is good, all that is well.

Today, I will bask in this glorious Sunlight of the Spirit! I will soak up the rays of gratitude, and I will relax into the perfect knowing that all is well with my soul.

Positivity

 It is so important to find the positive in each day. That is one benefit of keeping a Gratitude Journal. Just a few moments reflection, a short meditation in which to find 3 or 4 separate items to record, makes a wonderful way to start my day. After coffee, of course, for which I am very grateful!

We are inundated with the heaviness of this world. These are the lower vibrations which feed off more of the same. How can I lift the vibes around me? Why should I? What difference will it make?

First, I don’t need to dwell in the negative. I can get lost in the weeds of heaviness if I’m not careful. The consideration of those things for which I’m thankful immediately lifts me above the weeds, where I’m able to see the flowers and fields, the forests and the sky, the shapes of the clouds as they dance in the air. I can smell the sweetness of new growth, hear the songs of the birds, and “dwell in possibility”, as so eloquently stated by Emily Dickinson:

I dwell in possibility — A fairer House than Prose — More numerous of Windows — Superior — for Doors —— Of Chambers as the Cedars — Impregnable of eye — And for an Everlasting Roof The Gambrels of the Sky —— Of Visitors — the Fairest — For Occupation — This —The spreading wide my narrow Hands To gather Paradise —

Happily Ever What?

 I was raised on fairy tales. “And they lived happily ever after” was the endgame in all of them. No wonder reality feels so rude sometimes!

The truth is that “happily ever after” is a myth. A nice one, but it’s not real. Unless—unless I look at reality as the daily story, and whether or not I’m happy within each day, or as that day ends, is the point. If all I have is today, and if, at the end of this day I am happy, or even simply contented that I have done all I felt necessary, then perhaps, in this day, I have lived happily ever after. If I have a tomorrow, that will be a new story.

Each day’s drama has all the elements of a good fairy tale—the hope at the start of it, the ogres which sometimes show up to try to throw me off, the unexpected assistance of my fairy godmother or an answer heard although no one was there. All of the parts, or maybe just some of the themes, will exist in my reality.

When I find my strength for each pitfall or challenge, it comes from that Power so much bigger than myself. My Creator provides me the love and guidance I need, whether or not I recognize it at the time. When I tune in, when I am open to those intuitive thoughts or sudden insights, I can see my way through the ogre’s challenges, the dragon’s fire, the pitfalls on my path.

I can, in truth, live happily through this day. I’m grateful for that ‘ever after’.

This New Day

Today I am grateful for this brand new day, this unsullied day, this day full of possibility. 

I’m grateful for the spiritual community which I will visit soon. I’m grateful for the lovely people there who will greet me with a genuine appreciation and acceptance. I am grateful that I will be able to reciprocate, and enjoy their presence as well.

I am grateful for the sweet birdsong I hear through my balcony door, and for the very attentive cat paying close attention to them as well.

I’m grateful for the two cups of wonderful coffee which smelled so inviting and tasted like heaven in the morning, and for the cinnamon roll with it’s spicy aroma and satisfying sweetness.

I’m grateful for the creativity which will unfold on my kitchen table today as I work towards a long-held goal. I can see it in it’s finished form, and am loving the process of bringing that vision to reality.

Whatever else happens today, I will see it, enjoy it, and be thankful for it. It will be accompanied by great music as I dance my way through this one, marvelous day before me.

🎉

Dreamtime II

 I believe we have much to learn from our dreams. I had a recent epiphany, courtesy of my mother showing up and asking me some uncomfortable questions during an excursion into a recurring theme. This was a dream involving past dreams—I have a very lively dream life!

Often, they’re just plain weird, but sometimes, especially when a dream theme comes up again and again, I have some unresolved riddle to figure out. The human mind is a wonder! It’s filled with questions, with answers, with creative impulses, and with the power to affect my reality. Last night’s dream was one of the latter.

When I am going through a situation or experiencing thoughts and feelings I don’t quite know how to process, dreamwork comes in as an ally. My dreams ask me to look more deeply or from a different angle. They demand that I pay more attention to those emotions I try to hide from. The expose me to a new way of understanding my thoughts.

When I’m particularly struck by a dream, I write it down quickly so that I won’t forget it. While doing so, I often see what it’s showing me. Sometimes though, I just need to note it, then let it sit for awhile. Like last night’s dream, it will come back with slight changes until I get the point.

I’m grateful for the many ways in which my Creator speaks to me. One of them is in my dreamtime.

Gratitude and Karma

Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.  Jill Jackson Miller

I suspect that gratitude can work as an eraser of karmic burdens. I admit to not knowing a lot about the laws of karma, but what I believe I understand about it is that negative actions in the past continue to be present in the now, and can cause one to go into a default mode of unenlightened reaction. 

If that’s the case, can my positive actions in the now meet those past negatives to clear them? Can continued ‘right action’ create a positive karmic field which could be negated by future default decisions? Doesn’t that suggest that by turning my attention to the positives, being mindful at all times, I can keep from creating ‘bad’ karma? I tend to think so.

That doesn’t mean that only good things will happen! Far from it. Life is life, pain is pain, and hardships befall us all, all the time. How do I meet those hardships? What energy field am I creating by my reactions to them? 

When I start my day with conscious connection to the All, to the Power, to the Birther of the Universe, I am orienting myself to gratitude for what is. That base offers me a firm footing in which to meet the challenges with strength, and to revel in the delights—those things easily missed if I dwell in an energy of “why me?”

Today I will do all I can to meet every action and thought with gratitude. Today I will mindfully see to my obligations, and will do all that is in my power to do, to create only good karma.

Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.

Dreamtime

 Dreams are funny things. I had one last night which showed me in my most awful side trip into darkness. My reptilian brain took over, and I raged. Oh, how I raged! Every once in awhile, my higher awareness tried to intervene, but the rage won, every time. It was ugly. I was ugly.

It showed me what I’m capable of becoming. The rage I expressed is a base emotion which can take over if I lose my sense of who I AM and who I came here to be. I have that choice. It is a result of not dealing with the mixed bag of experiences of my life; the ‘stuffing down’ of feelings.

‘Adulting’ is learning how to deal with the whole of life; the disappointments, the regrets, the missed opportunities, the impulsive decisions, and all the aftermath of each. Stuffing, it seems, doesn’t make them go away—they just wait until they sense a moment of weakness, then they emerge, stronger for having been exercising while in hiding.

The dream was, ironically, a wake-up call. Deal with all the things, dear one! Feel the feelings, understand from whence they come, and file them away under ‘finished’. Then move on. Then move on. 

May I learn from the extremes of my dreams, so that my awakened life is truly an Awakened Life. 

I’m grateful for the lessons in all their manifested forms.

New Beginnings

 Today is Easter in Christendom, and is a holy season in Judaism and Islam. What do they mean to me? What do days set aside by various faiths teach me?

I was brought up in a Christian tradition, so I can only speak to Easter, and what it says to me today. Easter is all about the resurrected Christ. To me, that means awakening—I have awakened into my Christ nature, and am born again into a life of connection and service, and joy and fun, of less ego and more Oneness. I am invited to see my illusion of separation as the ‘last supper’, and my relationship with my Eternal self as the Risen Awareness.

The heavy rock representing the ‘immovable’ veil between worlds has been effortlessly rolled away, allowing me to move without restraint into a new freedom. All I have to do is get up and move through the cave entrance into the Sunlight of the Spirit.

May every day be one of new awakenings and freedom and wholeness. 

Happy, blessed Easter.

The IS-ness of Now

 …how incredibly much we learn from our birthday to our last day - from where the horsies live to the origin of the stars. How rich we are in knowledge, and in all that lies around us yet to learn. Billionaires, all of us.  Ursula K. Le Guin

In this moment, I am all the ages I’ve ever been. This is a thought noted by numerous people, a truth which is universal, and the main reason I’m surprised when I see a picture of myself. Who on earth is that old woman in the mirror looking back at me? When did that happen?

The skin on this meat suit is becoming very well-acquainted with gravity. The meat itself is no longer firm, and the neurons don’t fire like they once did. But there is contentment which comes with age. There is a willingness to simply let it be. It is surrender to the IS-ness of NOW. 

Dylan Thomas wrote that we should “not go gentle into that good night” and to “rage against the dying of the light.” I always took that to mean I shouldn’t accept the inevitable; that somehow, we should be dragged into our deaths very much against our will. Fight! Never surrender! Today, I believe that he was reminding people to grab each moment and fully inhabit each second of NOW with all that we have and all that we are. 

On this day, I will embrace every moment. I will celebrate each new NOW. I am grateful for all of it, the wholeness, the such-ness, the is-ness, and the richness of the totality of who I am.

The Focus of Gratitude

 Lord, make me an instrument of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is by dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.    The prayer of St. Francis 

This prayer perfectly puts into words the way I see the focus of gratitude. What I appreciate, I am more able to desire for others. If I’m only focused on myself, my needs, my wants, my perceptions and how they only affect me, then I’m missing the point of Love. I’m probably missing opportunities to be a channel of the Divine. That is most definitely not my desire.

Any focus on myself has to be to acknowledge my kinship with others, and how whatever I do and say enhances or diminishes those with whom I interact. That way, the actions I take, the words I say, my very thoughts raise the collective vibration. That’s really something! That’s what one person can do. Just imagine the chorus we can be together!

I am an instrument. May my song be one of peace and comfort. 

The Gifts Received

 I love the idea of a Gratitude Journal. Writing a daily gratitude list is an exercise in recognizing the gifts in my life. It’s a discipline I’ve fallen short of lately, using this blog as my alternative. I share a semi-daily list with a friend, but I have to admit, I need to be nudged into remembering to write it. She’s well-practiced—she can whip out a list of half a dozen or so current items for which she’s grateful. I, on the other hand, offer three or four.

I find myself in the attitude of finding awareness in the macro, while not giving quite enough attention to the micro, to those daily ‘little’ things which add up to the great big “oh, wow”s. 

Life is made up of all the little things put together, falling apart, or ready to assemble. When I slow down and look carefully, I can see that each little thing is a gift, either all by itself or as part of a yet unseen whole. 

While in prayer I ask for specifics, I find in meditation those nuggets which get to the heart of my request. In an openness to giving thanks for it all, I find myself loosening my grip on what the results have to look like, instead trusting that “all is well, all is well, all manner of thing shall be well.”

It is learning to see the gifts received.

The Energy of Gratitude

 Purposefully finding gratitude is an open-hearted welcoming of experiencing a higher vibration. When I’m stuck in the muck, I am aware of the heaviness of denser, lower vibrations. They hold me down, keeping me in thoughts of myself.

When I open up to the possibilities of being thankful, of finding those things for which I am truly grateful, my ‘load is lightened’. We’ve heard that expression many times, often in terms of receiving help from others. How powerful is it that I get to go within to connect with that Power which I can’t possibly understand, and give away the heaviness! 

There are times, of course, that the mud and gunk are heavier than my willingness to let go. Those are the opportunities to remember the concept of impermanence. I’ve referred to it before, and no doubt will again—this too shall pass. Life happens to us all. Sometimes the lightness is easy to find, and some days present more of a challenge.

On this day, when I can more easily experience the lightness of being, may I soak it up and soar in it. This moment is going into my memory bank, building interest in the positive energy which will help me to escape the gravity of the heavier ones when—not if—I encounter them.

Gratitude in the Moment

 If the only prayer you ever say in your life is thank you, it will be enough.  Meister Eckhart

I’m pretty sure I’ve used this quote before, but that’s okay. It came up in my Insight Timer app this morning, and reminded me of the truth of it. 

A shorter, much more common prayer is “help!” The important follow-up can then be offered, although it is often forgotten. To say thank you is to acknowledge that I may not recognize the help I’ve been given, but that the requested assistance or answer is present. My job is to act “as if” until my awareness kicks in, and I can see the result—often only in hindsight.

Giving thanks takes me out of myself. It is an act of faith, a recognition of the impermanence of momentary life situations, whether they seem favorable or not. It is a realization of the Big Picture, and my place in it. It is a connection with Peace and an invitation to Serenity.

I try to express thanks in each moment, knowing that it is not simply momentary, but a paving stone on the Road of Love.

Abundance Awareness

 Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.  Wayne Dyer

I have a side table which I love. It’s superfluous; I don’t really have room for it, and it serves no function beyond being a plant stand, but it brings me joy every time I look at it. It’s a collectable, hand-painted, whimsical, colorful table I purchased at a moving sale. It’s one of my treasures.

My little table is an obvious manifestation of abundance in my life, but there are countless, unnoticed confirmations of plenty which fill my life, there whether I see them or not. When I tune into them, I am filled with gratitude for their presence in my life, making each day a treasure hunt.

What am I grateful for today? That is the question I take into meditation. Very often, my mind is filled  well before my timer gong sounds. I break away to hurriedly type this blog as the thoughts take form. What comes into my awareness is what had not been seen prior to taking the time to ask my Creator to wake me up to the plethora of goodness in this day.

Today I have choices; I am grateful. I have good food to nourish my body; I am grateful. I have a cuddle-buddy in my cat Taco; I am grateful. I have access to information in seconds and numerous ways to entertain my mind; I am grateful. I have a solid roof over my head, and reliable transport; I am grateful.

And I have a perfectly useless, thoroughly loved little side table; I am so very grateful.

A Quiet Joy

 Sometimes, everything just feels right. There’s a sense of peace in the background of the day. There doesn’t have to be anything great going on; no exciting new adventures or events happening. It’s just another day, and yet I know that all is well.

Today is a day of both activity and rest. I got my laundry done, I worked my puzzles, I Zoomed my spiritual home, I did some reading, and I played with my Taco Cat. I also spilled water all over some notepads and pens, and completely spaced my book club, for which I’d been prepared. In other words, it’s been a totally normal day.

It is in these perfectly typical days that I find my peace, my equilibrium. There is always a return to calm. I clean up the messes, and get back to the things that matter. I’ll apologize to my book group, and have already ensured that I’ll receive an alarm in the future. There are no guarantees that I’ll remember what the alarm is for, but I’ve done what I can.

I am so very fortunate to be among those who have enough. All my needs are met, and many of my wants have been covered as well. I’m enjoying creative pursuits, and I’m getting a tax refund! Life is pretty darn good.

In this lovely, wonderful, imperfect day, I am grateful for that quiet sense of joy underlying all.

I Kid You Not

 There’s an old saying in Tennessee—I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can’t get fooled again.  George W. Bush

Misquotes, missteps, and malapropisms. They happen to everyone. When I hear them, I chuckle. When I commit them, I try to laugh—or at least giggle a little bit. Often, though, I turn bright red, or my embarrassment results in a total brain shut-down. In those moments, I’d be hard-pressed to tell you my name!

What I can do is to pause. Take a moment to regroup, take a breath, and find my center again. It’s a difficult thing to do when all eyes are on you, but it’s doable. We’ve all been there. Can I tune in to our shared humanness? Am I open to sharing in the silliness of the moment, or is my ego trying to tell me a lie about how inferior I am? That same ego will battle back after the fact to find resentment and anger, if I forget Who I Am.

Gratitude can be hard to feel sometimes, but in moments of shared mirth, even when (maybe especially when) it’s at my expense, I am invited to relax into the shared experiences of all us crazy, spontaneous, funny, often foolish people.

I kid you not.