Getting Ready

 I’m on my way soon to take a refresher course to be ready to serve terminally ill homeless individuals as an End-of-Life Doula. This has been a very long process as the facility is finally close to opening. 

People get scared by what they don’t understand, and this has been extremely apparent in trying to establish the facility by the woman who conceived of the idea along with her grandson, Joshua, who died on the streets after experiencing the hopelessness of his drug use. Joshua’s House will fill a need, and I’m so very honored to be able to be a part of it. 

I’ve been a volunteer in whatever forms were available to me for about 6 years. To be training now is both thrilling and challenging. 

Almost all my volunteer work has revolved around death and dying, which seems macabre to many. I’m a hospice volunteer, and I sing with Threshold Choir, which means softly singing chants and lullabies to those who are facing the ends of their lives, as well as in other moments of heartbreak and grief. It’s not macabre at all—in these moments, we are all at our rawest, truest selves. There are no pretenses, no masks or phoniness. 

I’m truly grateful to have felt called to be of service in this way. I know it’s not for everyone, and I am humbled to be one who can. 

Today, I’m very thankful to be kept very busy in this endeavor.

The Art of Moving On

 Nothing lasts forever. Some things don’t last at all.

I finally put a lopsided relationship in my pile of lessons learned. It’s kind of a junk heap, so it might be time to put my organizational skills to use. Do I organize by date? Subject? Cross-referenced to both? It’ll take some time. For now, I’ll just lick my wounds and retreat for a bit.

Life is so full of lessons! I applaud growth, even if it comes with growing pains. We’re all in Life School, and sometimes the tests are more personal than I’d like. But here’s the thing: following each test is more clarity. What parts did I get right? Which parts did I mess up on? What did I learn about myself, and how can I make necessary changes?

It’s a mighty continuum, this gift of being human—sometimes filled with giddy joyfulness, sometimes heavy and dark and challenging.  But then, nothing lasts forever.

Today I’m grateful for that fact. I’m glad that the yin/yang of life is a constant flow, and that in it all, I am wholly whole, worthy, and just where I need to be right now.

Joyful Anticipation

 I’ve been absent from my blog for a few days, but not because I lacked gratitude. My life is very full, and I like it that way! It’s been quite awhile since I slogged through a soul-sucking job, and I’ve enjoyed the fact that I haven’t had to hug the toilet every morning for well over a decade. 

These days, I do what I want, and what I want most is to serve others. That’s where I find my joy. I have time to be creative, and to bake yummy things, and to play with my cat, and to visit with friends, and to participate in activities at my spiritual home, and on and on. I’m finally happy in the Now.

Being happy in the Now still allows me to wonder what will happen next. What does my Creator want me to co-create with it? What now, I ask Spirit, being ever thankful for this moment.

Today I will commune with members of my spiritual community. Earlier, I Zoom-communed with my sisters in sobriety as we marveled at how beautiful life is. This afternoon and evening, I will relax in whatever way presents itself. Life is pretty darn good right now.

And right now, I live in joyful anticipation for what my Higher Love has in store for me. 

I have a few ideas, which we are in process of manifesting. Stay tuned…!

Art, Artists, and Their Work

 How we benefit from artists! Some friends and I went to a world-class museum yesterday to see the works of an amazingly accomplished young artist, Kahinde Wiley. He had, as his theme, juxtaposed scenes seen depicted many times through the ages with the images of contemporary young Black men and women. It was both beautiful and disturbing. That’s a function of art—to make us feel, to challenge our thinking and present us with more questions than answers. Mr. Wiley was immensely successful.

I recently read the address given to parents of an incoming class of serious music students. In it, the speaker acknowledged misgivings they may have as to where this field of study might take their children. After all, for the same hard-earned money, those gifted children could have chosen to embark on more lucrative careers.

He reassured those parents by citing examples of beautiful music created amid harrowing conditions, and asked them to imagine a life without music of any kind. In the first example, he pointed out the beauty of the notes woven together from within the walls of concentration camps. How could that form of art have been birthed in such bleakness?

He asked the parents to imagine a great film—another art form—without the swelling music adding to the telling of the story as it was being watched. The score underlines the emotions, helping the audience to feel what they’re watching more deeply.

The message was clear: Music is vital. Art is vital. Look at any creative venture and ask yourself how it may have changed you. Not everything will have done so, so consider a song, a painting, a sculpture, a book—any work of art created by a fellow human, and relive the feeling.

Such was the effect of Mr. Wiley’s work. It was stunning in idea, composition, execution, and in the way in which it was displayed. It made us feel. It was somber and beautifully created, asking the viewers to see his subjects in a new light. 

Today I am deeply grateful for those who have the ability and the wherewithal to delve into the Arts, as well as to those who make it possible for them to do so.

A Purr-fect Meditation

 “I want to meditate.” “But I wanna play”, says The Cat. “No,” I tell her, “this is my meditation time. Didn’t you hear my gong? It’s just 20 minutes. Go take a nap or something.” “I wanna play”, she insists. 

So—today’s meditation has gone from quiet contemplation to joyful participation. Meditation can have many forms! Whatever I do, I hear the challenge to “Be Here Now”.  That includes playing with a little animal who trusts me to see to all her needs. Watching her pirouette in the air trying to catch a swinging target delights me! Seeing her go into stealth mode as she silently watches, waiting for her opportunity to strike, is delightful! Her connection to her larger cousins in the wild is on full display.

My kitty is teaching me daily—nap when I’m tired, move my body while I have energy to burn, accept tummy rubs when the opportunity presents itself, walk away from my food when I’m full… Be Here Now.

Also, this: meditation comes in many forms. The purposeful quiet sitting, the opportunity to fully live each moment as it is presented to me, and all the variations in between. If I fully inhabit each moment, I will find more peace and contentment.

Just like my cat. 

Just Another Day

 Yep. It’s just another day—nothing special going on, no lingering problems which can’t be handled, the sun is shining, there’s food in the fridge; all is well.

Most days are like this, actually. There are little challenges, tiny victories, all the usual stuff. I’m grateful for that. It’s days like this which allow me to be in my comfort zone where I can relax, recharge, get grounded, and simply enjoy life in it’s elegant simplicity.

Today I met a friend at our spiritual home, then we shared a nice lunch out. She took off to live her today, and I managed to take care of a couple of items of business. Like I said, just normal stuff. My day feels complete, and it’s not over yet. I appreciate the ease of it, the peace in it.

Having gratitude as a daily, living attitude doesn’t need great big events. It’s the series of the everyday things which make up a life that I feel glad about. The little annoyances shrink even more and the good moments become the overriding mood. 

I’m grateful for the sweetness of days like these—days like any other, days of peace. Just like any other day, yet unique in it’s specialness. 

A Walking Miracle

 I have a dear friend who was in a near-fatal car crash five years ago today. The little tiny car in which she was a passenger was t-boned by a speeding Cadillac Escalade, pushing 18” into the passenger side. The rescue team had to cut into the car to get her out and into the ambulance. She was rushed into surgery where it was found that her liver had been lacerated, her pelvis was broken, her lung had collapsed, and the diaphragm was torn. There was so much damage, she needed two surgeries in as many days.

She is part of a 12-step community, and her many friends rallied to her side in tag-team fashion, so that she was never alone. Her rehab was grueling, and included treatment for a traumatic brain injury. All together, it looked pretty grim for her. 

She is a tenacious person, and she worked hard over the next full year of rehab. Her employer worked with her in her extended absence, and co-workers donated their own sick leave to help her out financially. When she was finally ready to return to work, she was able to move at a pace she could handle. She worked her way beck up to full-time work over the course of the next 18 months.

As I look back over the last 5 years, I am simply astounded at her recovery. She is a living, breathing, walking miracle, and an inspiration to all who know her. 

Today, I am grateful for her, and for her recovery. I am grateful for the community of caring people who rose to the occasion and stuck with their support for the long run. It makes me thankful for my own good health, and that I’m still on this side of the ground. 

My friend is indeed a Walking Miracle.

Unexpected Gifts

 I was musing yesterday about how I wished I’d decided to keep the silverware I grew up with, when I had the opportunity. Dad had passed away a few years prior, and now that Mom had died, my brothers and I were hastily getting ready for an estate sale. I passed on many things I might have otherwise taken but for the fact that I now lived out of state, and didn’t really need or even have room for the things I liked.

That silverware. The memory I had was of having the job of keeping it polished. Ick. I was so happy when my parents joined the modern times and got stainless steel! No polishing necessary! But yesterday, as I washed my own stainless steel cutlery, I wished that I had kept it. There just seemed to be something solid about using real silver, and I missed that. 

This morning, I was informed about a neighbor who had gone to a convalescence home, and her household items were up for grabs. By the time I arrived, there was very little left—but there, in the drawer, was her old-fashioned silverware! It wasn’t the same pattern as what I remembered, but it was very similar in sizes and shapes. 

In addition, there was a cut crystal bowl. I had left behind a gorgeous cut crystal bowl of my mothers, because of its size and weight, but here was another. Big, simple design, now living on my kitchen table. And that’s not all! I had been searching for an affordable hand vacuum for those little messes, but wasn’t able to get a good enough deal on one, so I passed. This lady had three! One and done for me.

Spirit lovingly presented to me these small gifts, which were desired but that desire had been set aside. Thankfulness abounds!

I wish peace for the previous owner, Max, and I am grateful to her. I’m also grateful for Divine Love for seeing beyond my needs to some of my more hidden wants.

Now to buy some silver polish!

There’s So Much to Learn!

 So many books, so little time…

When I was in school, I felt as though I was always in over my head. I didn’t understand what I was being asked to learn, I had never heard of ‘critical thinking’ and would have been hard-pressed to apply it anyway. I couldn’t wait to get the heck out of school, and it showed in my GPA.

I applied to a small college which had a generous admission policy, not having a clue what to study. The whole idea of college made my stomach hurt, so I was delighted when I came upon an opportunity to join a troupe of traveling actors. The stage! My true passion! And it had a Christian bent which gave me justification to go, because, after all, it was for God!

The concept of an afterlife which was presented to me as a continuation of learning, gave me a mental image of an endless classroom. The thought made me shudder. School? Classrooms? Oh, how it made my stomach hurt even more! Why, God? Hadn’t I been punished enough?

Fast-forward to now. I take classes, I’m in book study groups, I eagerly acquire study guides and ‘further learning’ tools. It’s become difficult to pick just one to work with. Choices! At my own pace! Learning has, at last, become fun. It is a priority in my life finally. How fortunate are those who were able to learn while young enough to apply that knowledge to their lives!

Well, better late than never. Today I’m grateful that there’s so much to learn!

Sweet Interludes

 I’ve recently enjoyed a very sweet interlude. Seeing it as what it was—a short detour from the norm—has freed me to enjoy the memories it gave me. Those memories are my gifts. Expectations of permanence or even semi-permanence threatened to replace joy with fear or sadness at it’s completion, but staying grounded helps my perspective.

Detours can sometimes trip me up, but the path remains whole and available. Usually the detours show up when work is being done on the main road. There are signs to follow, allowing me to not get lost. I’m always glad to return to the trusted path, but sometimes those alternate routes can be surprisingly beautiful. Such was my recent diversion—joy-filled, exciting, life-affirming. It also gave me a greater appreciation for the steadiness of the main road.

May I always be open to new paths, new opportunities, and new experiences as I move ever forward in this one beautiful life I’ve been given! 

Today I’m grateful for all the flavors of joy which come from a willingness to be open to new adventures.

Accidentally On Purpose

 When I was growing up, one of my favorite ploys was to leave something at a friend’s house, in order to “have to” return for it. I “forgot” things every time I spent the night with a pal. What I was really doing was to lie on a regular basis, and assume all the parents involved weren’t onto me. “What? Me lie?” Uh-huh—over and over again.

That was, I’m pretty sure, a fairly common childhood act of mischief, but what it managed to set up for me was the ease with which I would lie about anything and everything. 

Fast forward to adulthood. The lying didn’t stop. In fact, I became rather proficient in trying to fool myself. If whatever I wanted in the short term was contrary to my better judgement, guess which one won out? “Yes, but…” and “just this once…” became familiar refrains. “I’ll start tomorrow” continues to show up, although I’m better these days at catching it and recognizing it for the lie it is. Ah, growing up!

So, how many ways do I continue to try to fool myself? Catching myself in the act and recognizing what I’m doing in the moment is the challenge. I do have some successes to build on, though. Even though I refused to see the truth for years, I finally admitted to myself and others that my drinking had progressed to the point of being unable to stop for more than a few days. There’s a name for people in that position, which I had to claim in order to start healing: alcoholic. There was such a stigma to that word, I tried desperately to convince myself I hadn’t joined the ranks of such “losers”.

Those “losers” were guides for me in learning that it’s simply an affliction which can be overcome, as long as I would be truthful about it. The process is teaching me to be honest with myself. Not “has taught”, but “is teaching”. It’s an ongoing process of looking at my motives and questioning my justifications.

There is no “accidentally” in this task—it’s all “on purpose”.

Giving Thanks

 I’ve been reminded many times lately to give thanks for everything. I mean, that’s the whole purpose of this blog, of course, but it feels more specific today. Not that I have specifics in mind—I just feel the need to specify for myself.

Gratitude is healing. I believe this. It heals the heart, the soul, the psyche, and very possibly, the body as well. It invites ease, peace, and serenity.

I’m grateful for my silly cat, for her boundless energy when she wants to play and for her commitment to taking naps whenever she wants.

I’m grateful for friends who share their victories as well as their challenges, and for the trust they have in me with both.

I’m grateful to love and be loved. For family members who remain supportive and available. For my upcoming visit to Colorado to see and hug some of those loved ones.

I'm grateful that I have a full refrigerator, and am not wondering about where my next meal will come from. 

I have so very much for which I feel deep gratitude. May I continue to rest in the abundance of “enough”.

Sharing the Joy

 Social Media can be a real time suck, it’s true, but while indulging, what do I pay attention to? Am I stuck in the political muck, the Us vs. Them mentality? Do I spend time in judgement of others? In mocking them? Am I saturating my psyche with duality? 

Algorithms are built around what I search for or spend time on. What info goes into those algorithms is dependent upon where my interests take me. If I start looking up any subject, more on that as well as related articles will suddenly appear. The more time I spend on them, the more of them I’ll receive. It’s a vortex created from my own curiosity.

I was thinking about this as I was scrolling through my feed earlier. I was reading about the joy others are experiencing, and reflecting on how their happiness was contagious. It’s been a paradigm shift for me, this being happy for someone else’s happiness. ‘Tweren’t always so… my fragile little (!) ego would be wounded by the joy experienced by others. I would take it as a personal assault, a condemnation of where I was and what I was going through, of decisions made which felt beyond my control. This was back when I was a Victim. 

Emotional sobriety is a thing, and I am finally tasting it. I have miles to go, but I’ve come far enough along that I can experience peace instead of envy, enjoying the enjoyment of others. 

Today I’m grateful for the fact that others can share their joy freely, and I can willingly appreciate that. Likewise, I can share the things which make me happy, knowing that the people who know me, personally or virtually, are the kinds of people who don’t resent the good in the lives of others.

Open to What Is

 I’m in the midst of learning about personal power—what it is, how important it is, how I give it away, and how to keep it. Caroline Myss offers great insights in her Archetypes series on YouTube. 

There are many archetypes, and I find that I embody some of each. They show up in how I think about myself and others, how I behave, what I believe; in all aspects of my life. How do I treat myself? How do I treat others? How do I allow others to treat me?

These aspects tend to show up when I’m trying to run the show. They’re ego-driven rather than Spirit-driven. Sometimes the results seem good, but so very often, I get a good bonking by reality. What am I trying to change? How am I manipulating the situation or other people? I have to examine my motives carefully, looking at myself from the Witness point of view. That is, separate from the egoic self.

In my case right now, I am paying extra attention to one particular archetype which shows up like a whack-a-mole. My choices are to keep whacking, plug the holes, or walk away. For me, my only healthy choice is the latter. If I keep trying to rig the game, I’ll only succeed in frustration and failure. When I walk away, I can say that the game was fun, but ultimately I’d always be the loser.

Today I’m grateful for the opportunity to be open to what IS, rather than continue to try to shape reality. I claim inner peace, inner strength, and inner power.

And so it is.

Waiting for God, Oh!

 “And if you don’t think you have anything to be grateful for, keep looking. Because you don’t just receive optimism. You can’t wait for things to be great and then be grateful for that. You’ve got to behave in a way that promotes that.  Michael J. Fox

I try very hard not to wait for something for which I can express gratitude. My daily aim is to be thankful for all of it—every little thing, including the not-so-fun-in-the-moment stuff. I feel like there is something to be gained in every experience in this life. Dark nights of the soul can lead to renewed vision. Broken hearts teach compassion and patience. 

But there’s so much of the good stuff! The smile from a stranger, the opportunities to show kindness, a call from a child or other family member or an old friend just to say hello. Chance encounters, lovely cloud formations, sunset skies like the one I saw last night, comfortable weather or the hot days which give me gratitude for air conditioning or cold ones making me thankful for heat. 

How can I make someone’s load a little lighter? Service to others creates the prime medium in which to grow an optimistic attitude. Dusting a shelf of mementos can bring a smile of remembrance. Singing, writing, making art—all unleash the creative flow which waters the seeds of gratitude.

I can be grateful too for self-forgiveness; for those times I didn’t grab hold of joy, or when I didn’t see the good around me. I don’t live there, but I’ve visited a few times. Awareness of the positives in life feels so much better! And it’s self-sustaining — good begets good (usually). If life is just a bowl of cherry pits, take the opportunity to plant them!