Simple Gratitude

 Gratitude is simple, and it abounds! Look for a moment out the window - is the sky blue? How wonderful! Is it cloudy? What a miracle of nature! Will it rain or snow? How magical!

I look out my balcony door and am delighted by the fluttering of the hummingbirds, come to enjoy the sugar water I provide. I listen to my cat chittering underneath, as if to warn them of her mighty presence. I hear neighbors talking and laughing, and it lifts me to a higher mood. 

This morning, I asked Alexa to play the soundtrack of Les Miserables, which it did—the original Broadway cast, yet! I was able to see the traveling Broadway production a few days ago, and I was wowed. What an amazing thing it is, to take such a massive story and be able to present it on stage, making their audiences feel the hope, the majesty, and the pain. Astounding!

Today, I’ll participate in a book discussion group. How fun it is to be with a group of like-minded people, each of us finding the gems of wisdom to share with each other!

Today, excitement is in the air as children dress up as their favorite superheroes and supervillains. It reminds me of when I did the same, eager to go out and collect as much candy as I could. Say what you will about the inherent dangers—it’s still a lot of fun!

Today I’m grateful for the simple, everyday wonders, and the special, once-a-year rituals. 

Candy, anyone?

Contentment

 When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear, you are near contentment.  Unknown

That’s my goal, and quite often, I feel it’s truth. It doesn’t simply happen for me; it’s taken a lot of work, and I expect I’ll keep working toward this goal for the rest of my life. It doesn’t seem to be one of those “one and done” things—it’s an ongoing process.

But what a fabulous goal it is! I’ve experienced both sides of this spectrum; crippling fear of what tomorrow will present, as well as overwhelming regret for actions taken and opportunities missed. I can confidently say that that is no place to find peace. 

The peace I’ve experienced has come from developing a very real relationship with a Power greater than myself, the Source of all, the Love, the Force, my Creator. It doesn’t matter what it’s called. It only matters that I remember. It matters that I see myself—everyone—as the Eyes, Ears, Hands, and Heart of the Divine. 

I’ve learned (and am still learning) that my path is my own. It intersects and sometimes joins with the paths of others, but it always continues for me alone. The wrong turns were lessons, which were mine to ignore or learn from. The twists and turns keep me guessing about where it’s headed, but the obstructions and detours keep me in the present.

Contentment is found in Today. That’s where you’ll find me.

Permanently Temporary

 This too shall pass.   Persian adage

Good grief, I hope so. Aches, pains, healing, sadness — all of the not-very-much-fun stuff. They’ll be gone eventually, maybe to just be replaced with new challenges, or maybe to be replaced with unknown joys! One never knows.

The good thing is, I think, that nothing lasts forever. Even grief subsides over time. 

The message for me is to find and thoroughly enjoy the good, while knowing that whenever I’m going through a challenge, that situation is temporary. Finding the gratitude is a practice which helps me locate the good in each day and every situation. It allows me to find peace and to wear an honest smile, to actively seek out the positives and to breathe easily. 

I’m aware that I can oversimplify things, but I truly believe that my mindset affects my mood. If I have any control over how I think, then what I think about won’t send me to the darkness. Well, that and Prozac!

The point is, nothing is here permanently except impermanence. If I don't feel okay in one moment or series of moments, I know I won't live there forever. I’ll take a good, deep breath, then another. If I need to retreat for a bit, that’s what I’ll do. It’s all good.

I’m grateful for that.

It’s Cool, Baby!

 Oh wow, the weather is turning cooler! “Cool” is relative, of course, but here in Sacramento, it’s time for the down comforter and getting ready to bake. It’s all the way down into the 60’s!

I love this day! I love the invitation of the cooler air and cloud cover to hunker in and bake a pie, or a cake, or cookies, or anything yummy. You know I will! Baking is one of those activities which makes me happy, one which I can’t do in a small apartment in the summer heat. But today I can!

Sometimes—oft-times—it’s the everyday, little things which give me joy. I’m grabbing as much joy as I can, and I’ll happily share it via this blog, over the phone, or in person, accompanied by a good hug! Life is short. Carpe diem. Clasp the good and shake off the nasties. That’s my plan, anyway.

Today is, in fact, the first day of the rest of my life. I will eat it up and savor it. I’ll think kindly of others, then stay out of their way. I will say a prayer for those who can’t see the joy in this day, that they find relief from their sadness or anger, and find that they can simply relax into what is.

I’ll check the to-do’s off of my list, and give myself an attagirl for each completion. It’s a short list, but it includes Have Fun. 

I’m grateful for every minute of this day, for what has transpired and for how it will continue to show up. 

I’m cool, Baby!

Taken by a Taker?

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”     Fred Rogers

There are givers in this world, and there are takers. There are perpetrators, and there are helpers. I know what kind of person I want to be, and I actively practice being that person on a daily basis. Part of being her is the daily concentration on those things for which I can feel true, deep gratitude. A daily gratitude practice keeps me in the flow of positivity, which seeks to leave no room for irritants.

Irritants have sneaky ways of getting into my days, however. It’s all part of the practice: see them, recognize them, get rid of them. One of the nastiest pebbles in my shoe comes in the form of friendship when that friendship is simply a cover for taking advantage of my desired kind nature. It happens to everyone. Someone comes into your life and a friendship is formed. There may be some oddities, but they are easily ignored in the name of the vision of what need within myself this friendship might be able to address.

If it’s transactional, is it a true friendship? Does it affect my usual good nature and self-esteem? Sometimes, saying “good-bye” is the best way to be a helper to myself, and ultimately to others. If I know how insidiously I can be taken, I am in a better position to be a helper to someone who knows something is off, but doesn’t know what to do or how to respond.

There are large problems in the world, and there are small difficulties in life. In everything, I am grateful that I can choose to offer a higher vibration to all involved. It starts right here, with me.

Vibe High

 I’m pickin’ up good vibrations….  Brian Wilson and Mike Love

Vibing high was the excellent message I heard yesterday at my spiritual home. These are heavy times, times rife with the low vibrations of disharmony and pain. Not falling victim to them is our task, our calling, our offering to the world.

I can neither turn my back on nor fix what’s wrong in the world, but I can be a light. I can acknowledge the pain and call out evil, even if I alone can’t change it. I can contribute to the beauty that exists and persists in whatever ways I am able.

One way I can contribute, I can be a light in the darkness, is by finding and expressing gratitude. I can recognize and magnify the good in the world, or just in my small sphere of it. I can find the positives, search out and support the helpers, or simply not cause pain and anger myself. 

As always, my best classroom is wherever I drive. Enclosed within the relative anonymity of their vehicles, people often show their worst sides. I don’t have to join them. I can pull back when I see that someone wants to get in my lane. I can send out high vibes to the drivers who are in a hurry, and might actually have an emergency. I can do what I can to not further antagonize angry, harried, or distracted drivers.

These are little things, but they constitute an everyday practice. When I can maintain a positive equilibrium despite the temptation to join them, I have successfully added some light to the world. That’s my goal.

Today, I’m sending out good vibrations. I hope you can feel them!

The Best Laid Plans

 I like to make plans. I like to feel like I have some control over my life, but I also want to be spontaneous. What’s a girl to do? I’ll tell you: make a to-do list, and add “be spontaneous!” to it. 

It’s a silly problem to have, I’ll grant you, but it’s mine, and it’s going on a different list.

So, I make proclamations and then I take opposite action. It’s all on me; it’s not some twisted bit of fate or uncontrollable situation. I own it. 

Today’s list is simply “clean and organize”. It sounds very simple when presented so succinctly, but in practice, I’m in for a long day—maybe. I’ll no doubt get sidetracked (I should add that to my list) by an unread magazine from last year or a trinket I’d forgotten about. You know—important things.

Here’s my plan: put on some music and dive in. First, get dressed (add that to my list so I can cross it off), then maybe another cup of coffee while I put together my plan of attack. I’ll schedule some breaks, and set the timer to get back to work. Then I’ll pretend I have a supervisor checking my progress. I want her to be impressed by my drive and singleness of purpose. Maybe I’ll get a promotion!

Yes, today I’m very grateful to have a mess to clean up, an apartment which makes me happy, organization in baby steps, and a willingness to not be perfect. 

That’s my plan.

Birth/Death

 When you were born you cried, and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.   Navajo prayer

That was the printed wish on a birthday card I gave a woman who used to sing those words with me. This afternoon, I have the honor of joining with others who sang with her as we participate in a hospice memorial for those who made their transitions last year. Our friend is one who lost her life and will be honored for all the goodness and joy she brought others.

It will probably be an afternoon of both tears and laughter as we both mourn her death and celebrate her life. There will be other survivors there today—husbands, wives, parents, children, and friends. This is, to me, a very sacred time; one of tenderness and hopefully, peace.

Today, I am grateful to have known her. I’m glad to finally be singing for her, as I wasn’t able to as she faded from this life. Whenever I can sing for someone who has died, I feel the honor deeply.

On this day, I’m grateful to still have life in this mortal plane. I’m grateful for the times I spend with those I love. I’m grateful to sing out softly for the people who were all dear to others—those who cried at their deaths, but rejoiced over their lives.

Saying “Thank You”

 Make a habit out of celebrating the small moments in healing, gratitude, and growth.   Alex Elle

Everyone has them—those moments of “Ah!” The times when we just feel comfortable in the present, at peace with what is, when we have a sense of all being well. It may be fleeting, but there’s something there which cannot be denied. Those are the moments I want to be aware of, to notice in real time rather than in retrospect.

I think it takes practice to notice them. I also find that it’s a very worthwhile practice. We are bombarded with so much which can cause confusion, anger, discontent. It I were to only pay attention to those things, I’d be a sorry combination of anger and hopelessness. I choose a different way.

I make a practice of saying “Thank you” many times throughout my days. Thank you for a working vehicle. Thank you for the close parking place when I need one. Thank you for the clouds and their wispy beauty, thank you for the clear sky, thank you for the rain. Thank you for food in my pantry, and thank you for the grocery gift bags I can purchase with most visits to the store. Thank you for all the easy ways I can be an agent of kindness, even when I don’t know the recipient. Thank you for my morning coffee and the fresh breeze through the balcony door while I enjoy it.

All the things, all the time. The lessons in the discomfort, the fact that ‘this too shall pass’. The lessons in setting boundaries for myself and honoring those of others. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It’s just a simple little phrase, but it’s one with great power. Thank you for that.

Instruments of God’s Peace

 Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace….  The prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

There’s more than enough anger in the atmosphere. I can only see to my own mood, so I am choosing to be a lightworker—a light in the darkness. I will endeavor to set judgements aside for now, in order to concentrate on peace.

What might happen if everyone chose peace? What would happen to our world? The possibility is almost beyond hope, but still—“let there be peace on Earth, and may it begin with me”. Let it begin with me. I am the only person I can influence, so I want to be part of the solution.

Today, I will show kindness to all. Today I will have gratitude for my abundance, and I will attempt to put it into a semblance of order. May order within create order without. If it starts with me, I charge myself with the task of embodying peace.

When I start falling out of peace, I will take a moment to sit quietly and simply be thankful for my life—for my family, my friends, for all that I’ve been given. 

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. 💚🌏🌎🌍💚

When the Ole Body Aches

I’m so very glad that I am no longer expected to be present at a job during prescribed hours! Retirement is a dandy place to be—I can go shopping, visit a museum, see a movie, stay home and bake or create another way—any time I want. It’s simply fabulous!

Retirement also gives me the freedom to simply be. There doesn’t need to be any doing, especially when my body, sometimes forcibly, says “now you will rest”. There are no doctor’s permission slips, no explaining to a boss why I can’t work today; I am only answerable to myself.

These days, I’m nursing bursitis in my hip, alongside the “normal” woes of an aging body. I am very fortunate to be able to do just that—to rest and repair. I’ll continue to do so, while seeing to the commitments I’ve made. 

It seems that I still push myself beyond my limits, which is good in an athlete or a scholar, but not so much for me. What I’m learning, more forcefully as time marches on, is to pace myself, and to give in gracefully to the need to rest. I’m not saying that I intend to just fold up and give in, but rather to go with the flow of what is presented to me. I want to remember to ask myself how, given how well I’m functioning, I can continue to grow and learn and give of myself.

It’s a changeable thing, but one where I get to say “when”.

That’s where I feel gratitude today; in the freedom to simply feel what I feel, and to know that all is well.

Gratitude Persists

 I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for vengeance, for desolation. War is hell.   William Tecumseh Sherman

I am weary from the news, but I feel like I must pay attention. I don’t take on the misery; I hold the hurting in the sacred space they need, while living my life as well as possible. I owe that to the lost, who have no life to live anymore. I choose not to desire vengeance (usually), but to pray for Peace. 

Meanwhile, in living my life, I choose to find the immediate good, the things in my present which fill me with a positive attitude. I see this as honoring the fallen, to continue to live well and find happiness where I can.

Today I am grateful for my own safety. I am grateful for food and shelter. I’m grateful that I don’t need to cringe or hide when I hear a jet overhead. I’m lifted by the sounds of laughter and busyness beneath my balcony as neighbors get together to sell off some of their abundance. We are so very blessed!

Today, I will remember this as I slide into my comfortable routines, while acknowledging that everything can change in the moment of a heartbeat.

Selah

O Hot Tub, My Hot Tub

 O Spa!

You wait, gently, while I ache—

I ache to feel your warmth—

Your gently bubbling liquid love.

The sun teases me—

It knows I prefer the shade.

The sun has burnt me—

But, O Hot Tub, you never have.

Your warmth is perfection

To my muscles

And my joints.

Soon, my Darling,

Soon.

I will don the sacred outfit

And I will return to your healing embrace.

How vital you are

To my very well-being!

Soon, soon, my love.

Home Again, Home Again

 I’ll be flying home this afternoon, after a wonderful visit to my childhood homeland. I love Colorado! I love being from here and visiting, and I love going back home to Sacramento, the Sacred City. 

This is the land of 4-wheel drives and ice breakers in the garages. It’s the high-altitude air and gorgeous blue skies. It’s where my parents, one from Missouri and one from Western Australia, chose to raise their children. It’s the place of the sweetest memories of picnics in the mountains, the adults playing cards while all the kids scattered to explore trails and splash in the freezing cold creeks. It’s the sound of my dad bellowing for us to return, and oh, how he could yell!

Today, though, I get to return to the place where I’ve landed and made my life, back to my cozy apartment and my Callie Cat, back to my own bed, my friends, my hot tub(!) and my volunteer duties. I’m recharged and ready to go. 

I’m so very grateful that I am in a position where I can occasionally travel and where I can do the things which nourish my soul. I’m grateful to have the freedom to listen to my body, and when it says I need to pull back and rest, I can do so. I’m grateful for the hugs of my sons, and for time with my brother. I would choose him for brother all over again!

Today I’ll be home, and it’s a lovely place to be.

Our Pets

 I’m watching my brother interact with his fur pals, finned ones, and a bird. It really is sweet! They ask so little, yet offer so much, in terms of unconditional love (mostly—cats can be funny). He credits his fur babies with keeping him going when the darkness of loss threatened to envelop him.

I watched my son with his dogs, and saw the results of his gecko breeding project. They can be amazingly gorgeous with their color variations. The geckos were well-cared for, and his doggos were happy little (ok,     not so little) tail-waggers.

I have my Callie Cat at home being lovingly cared for, and I look forward to her plopping into my lap at the inopportune times she picks. She’s a delight to play with as she jumps, summersaults, and stalks her toys. Life is simply sweeter with a pet!

Today, I feel gratitude for the love of and for our pets. It’s a joy both simple and profound 😻

Today in the World

 I read the news today, oh boy   John Lennon

I’m going to visit my other two sons today. Watching the news about the terrorist attack in Israel reminds me that we can never take the idea of seeing loved ones again for granted. Never. I’m so very grateful that I’m near enough to visit with them and give each an embarrassingly (for them) long hug.

Today, I will hold sacred space within for the global pain of senseless war. Today, I will represent the love of parents for children lost, for children with parents lost, and for partners who have lost their soulmates. This is especially true as I sit with my brother on what would have been his wife’s 70th birthday. She died very suddenly a little over two years ago, and this visit was planned with that in mind.

Mutual friends joined my brother and myself at a favorite restaurant last night to toast her memory, and to remember her with a few tears and much laughter.

Today, Israelis are mourning the sudden and senseless murders of their kinfolk. May their memories become blessings. May all people hold tight to the love they feel for their dear ones, and for the dear ones of all who are mourning.

Today, I am grateful for knowing love, both the getting and the giving. Love will always win.

And so it is.

Love Will Always Win

 One of the very best story themes is that of reconciliation. How very deeply we want that in our own lives! Reconciliation has been the subject of the vast majority of my ‘please’ prayers. 

I have children who have faced many challenges, both inflicted upon them and self-made. The results have varied, from their working together to vowing to have nothing to do with one or the other. The situations change with the seasons.

Sometimes, I am the one who is the focus of their angst, but all of the scenarios deeply disturb my Mother Heart. It is in these times that I have to remind myself that nothing stays the same. Situations change, anger is subdued, understanding is gained, or the mood simply reaches it’s time-out, having just lost steam. 

What touches me most beautifully is when communication is restored. When all issues are set aside for later, and true enjoyment of each other can be felt. When anger is no longer the prevailing emotion. 

True, deep acceptance and understanding takes time and more than a little therapy. In the meantime, I’ll take whatever positives show up and count them as ‘wins’.

So, when one of my sons, the one who wanted nothing to do with me, showed up when asked to do so, my gratitude exploded. We didn’t need to explore the underlying issues or poke each other’s triggers—we just enjoyed seeing each other. While I hope it was a mutual thing, I’ll accept seeing each other as a wonderful first step.

Love Is. Love Endures. Love is Universal. And Love will always win.

Gray and Cloudy Too

 What a switch from yesterday! Yesterday was the perfect sunny, warm day with clear skies to take a drive into the mountains. It was as lovely as I remembered, and the views filled me with deep joy. Today is a perfect day to snuggle in and read a good book. I might even go get ingredients to bake something, which is one of my very favorite activities.

Joy can be found no matter the outward situation, I believe. There are sometimes those circumstances in which the positives are deeply hidden, and I don’t mean to make light of them. Often, the sense of the positive can only be found after the ‘dark night of the soul’ has been faced and is now behind us. I get that. But on days like today, when the sun is hiding and the warmth has disappeared, joy takes on a different form.

Today, I am grateful for easy, slow, and comforting activities—which actually might be called “non-activities”! I give myself permission to not worry about accomplishing anything. Today, I will simply Be Here Now.

Blue Skies and Sunshine

 That’s what the forecast is for today’s adventure. My brother and I are headed up to see the beautiful aspens, and to enjoy the majesty of the mountains. Oh, how I’ve missed them! 

First, we’ll stop in Georgetown for lunch. Memories! When in high school, I was in a small repertory company, and we performed there quite often. We had matching outfits—long flared skirts and capes for the girls and vests for the boys—made from the remnants of our school’s former stage curtain. They were a green corduroy fabric, and our capes were lined with white satin. We were stylin’!

After lunch, we’ll head up further to one of the passes. I’m so eager to go! This is what has been calling me! There is such a deep comfort in the feelings of the familiar from childhood for me. I know that this isn’t a universal thing; so many people have darkness in their past, eclipsing joy. I’m very fortunate indeed to have had a non-traumatic childhood. My memories bring me joy, and today I’ll be surrounded by them.

Today, I feel very grateful to have those memories to revisit, with a brother I love and who loves me in return. The forecast is blue skies and sunshine. That may be for the weather, but it also applies to my inner  atmosphere.

Acceptance of What Is

 I’m at the airport plenty early, because my flight has been delayed. It happens. It doesn’t create any problems for me, since I don’t have a connecting flight. It’s easy enough to let my brother know, but then, he’s plenty sharp enough to check arrival times before setting out to pick me up. All is well.

I managed to get a quick delivery of a percussion massager, which I found, to my surprise, really helped with the bursitis which has decided to visit for awhile. I charged it overnight, then safely tucked it away in my carry-on. Ha! Take that, pain! I’m prepared! Except, when going through the TSA pre-boarding, I realized that I didn’t think to add any of the attachments, rendering my new massager useful only as a doorstop. 

What else might I have forgotten? I’m fairly sure I have all the important stuff, but more shall be revealed. The good news is, my visit is still a positive event. With the exception of massager attachments, I’m fairly sure I can get any other thing I forgot. 

It’s always something! I could fume at the delay, but that would only affect my well-being; it wouldn’t effect any change. I could cry about my forgetfulness, or I could shrug it off. I shrug a lot these days.

Meanwhile, I just enjoyed a lovely cup of coffee, and I’m about to plow into a muffin. I have money for these nice little extras! I was able to reserve a seat with extra legroom—alway a good thing for this tall girl. I remembered my charging cable, so I can enjoy using my tablet and my phone. Excellent!

Today, I am grateful for the not at all hard-to-take lessons in acceptance of what is. It’s good practice for acceptance of the truly important things.

Happiness is Family

 I’m heading out to Denver tomorrow, to stay with my brother. I'll have the opportunity to visit with my sons. What joy! I’m a Denver native, and it’s always such a joy to go “home”. The views of the Rocky Mountains always thrill me, and although it will be cloudy for the first part of my time, the skies are never grey for long. We’ll be taking a drive up to see the golden aspens, if the leaves will wait for me.

I love where I live now, but going back to where I grew up always feels like a return to the warmth and love of what makes a home. Seeing my nearest and dearest warms my heart, and keeps me going. I love seeing how my grown sons are sorting out their lives, finding the things which warm their hearts. It certainly hasn’t been all sunshine and roses—who has a life like that?—so watching them navigate their own paths is wonderfully fascinating.

My brother and I will simply enjoy each other’s company. I’m bringing a Boggle game to challenge him with, since all the siblings enjoy comparing Wordle scores every morning. Games, laughter, possibly tears, and fun movies and tv are the plan of action. Sometimes, nothing more needs to be done. The simple enjoyment of good company is enough.

So, while sometimes happiness is a warm cinnamon roll, the deeper and truer happiness is in truly loving one’s family. Today I’m very grateful to have that.

Happiness is a Warm Cinnamon Roll

 That’s how I started my day. Not with something healthy or diet-friendly, oh no. A sticky, crisped-up roll of gluten and sugar and fat, tempered with spice. Yum! That and a hot cup of coffee make me a happy camper. I see salad in my future, for the sake of a semblance of balance.

Today, I’ll continue with the training I’m completing. As I do so, I’m joining with wonderful people from all around northern California. Being in their company is as comforting as enjoying a warm cinnamon roll. They are caring, generous people, all learning how to comfort and guide people as they approach their final chapters in this life. I am so fortunate to be in their company!

It’s a serious business, this midwifing of souls, but the time is also filled with laughter and tenderness as we learn to drop our defenses to meet vulnerable people right where they are. It’s a challenge for which I am deeply grateful.

So today, after starting with a not-so-nutritious breakfast, I’ll try to put my sugar-addled brain to work. I’ll nourish my body with a healthy lunch as I nurture my soul with new helping skills, and I’ll enjoy the sweetness of those alongside me. 

I am so grateful for new opportunities like I have today to learn, to grow as a human, and to prepare to serve those whose days don’t usually start with a warm cinnamon roll.