Moving Into Gratitude

 Oftentimes, forward motion has to be deliberate. I find it to be so with gratitude, because let’s face it—not everything makes us want to say ‘thank you’ as we experience life. It is human to trip up, to fall, to feel as though the rain will never stop obscuring the healing sunshine. What’s a person to do?

For me, the answer is to find something, anything, which lifts my spirits, and express gratitude for it. I can gradually expand the parameters to include the less-obvious occurrences and experiences. There is always some aspect of that for which I can give thanks. Sometimes the good stuff is perfectly obvious, but more often, I need to pull out the metaphorical magnifying glass and seek out what the blessing is.

I’m a person who has spent far too much time in self-pity and sad frustration. That is not where to find gratitude! Not easily, anyway. What I’ve learned is that finding joy is an individual endeavor. No one can hand me my joy, or show me where to find it. I can see how others have found their own and have tried to share it, but mine is personal to me and must be discovered (or uncovered) by me.

My choices are these: fight to change the unchangeable, or find those cracks which, as Leonard Cohen said, let the light in. I choose light over darkness, even in those times when darkness is all I can see, because I know—without a doubt—the Light will finally show itself.

Today, gratitude comes easily. I will hold the memory of that to help me move into gratitude when it’s hard to find. Meanwhile, I will celebrate this day, this beautiful, marvelous day!

Daily Gratitude

 No oblique quote today. I’m just keeping it simple.

Having gratitude is what this is all about. Purposefully finding whatever exists in my life now for which I can feel truly grateful is how it’s done. It’s the fruit of mindfulness, I think. It comes from a mindset of recognizing beauty and grace all around me.

Today, I get to watch as my kitten romps, climbs, hunts, and plays. She’s a delight! I get to revel in her revelry! As I interact with her, I have no problems or worries because I am in the moment of play. 

There is a jetted hot tub where I live. I get to enjoy sitting in the warmth which eases all physical pain. That’s another thing for which I’m grateful. I’m usually the only one in the tub, which means I can fully relax. When I’m there with another person, we both relax into easy conversation as we are pampered by the heat. 

The weather lately has been extraordinarily comfortable. That makes gratitude very easy. And yet, if I weren’t attuned to finding and expressing gratitude, I might just not notice any of these things. I’d probably think that this day is comfortable, yes, but soon it will be hot. When I think that way, I’m not enjoying what’s happening now. That’s the point.

Once the weather inevitably turns hot, I will be ever so grateful for air conditioning. I will have gratitude for the swimming pool which adjoins the hot tub, where I can get some exercise in a refreshing way. 

I am deeply thankful for the people in my life, and how they support me with friendship, challenge me with our differences, or simply bring a smile to my face. They all help me grow and learn.

On this beautiful day where gratitude comes easily, I will breathe it in and bask in how it makes me feel, and I will invite those whom I meet along the way to join me in the same. Selah! 

ImPermanent

 By the roadside grew - A rose of Sharon. My horse - Has just eaten it.   Matsuo Basho

What an interesting little quote greeted me as I opened a small book of thoughts on a few topics. This one was on impermanence, an issue which is, ironically, constant.

What in my life is permanent? Is it an object? A belief? A person? A place? Objects break or are lost - impermanent. Beliefs change according to one’s understanding - impermanent. People leave, places change - all are impermanent. What, then, can I stand on? Where do I fit? How can I feel safe?

I think the object may be to find my sense of permanence within the impermanent. While I, this earth-bound human, am not a permanent fixture in any sense, I still exist. I am Here, Now. Not permanent in the sense of being here forever—permanence in the Now. I always have Now.

Today, in this Now in which I have thoughts, take action, dream—however I choose to experience the moment, I choose to live in it fully, totally, with all of myself. There is nothing in my Now which is too holy to investigate, or so important that it must stay the same. This consciousness behind my eyes will take it all in, knowing that all it experiences is both personal and impersonal, permanent and impermanent.

Today, I choose to greet it all with gratitude. Each thought, each experience, every little thing is a miracle, no matter how long it lasts.

The Sweetest Things

 The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life’s plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.  Robert Louis Stevenson

When I was growing up, my favorite weekly chore was cleaning the bathroom. Yep, an odd choice. There were two things about it which made it my fave: it was the littlest room, and the results were sparklingly obvious. 

I would go about my task with vigor, scrubbing everything, everywhere. It didn’t take a terribly long time, and nobody in the family of 6 were particularly sloppy in their bathroom habits (but then, I didn’t have a blacklight - that may have changed things, but I doubt it). Everything was washable, including my hands afterwards. The room would fairly glow as much as my pride in my work, as I called my mom to come take an obligatory look around. There was something wonderful in feeling like I had done a good job at even this potentially icky task.

I can fall under the spell of ‘bigger equals better’, or wanting more than I have while not noticing the abundance at hand right now. How easy it is to ignore those sweet things when my head is filled with thoughts of lack or not being “good” enough. I live in a rather small one-bedroom apartment, stuffed to the gills with enough to make an apartment twice as large feel fully used, and yet I can feel the need to bring more into it. Why can I sometimes not find satisfaction in all that I have right now?

I lack for nothing. I have all I need with enough to share. In this moment, I recognize that real abundance, and am grateful for it. 

Food, shelter, plenty of extras, and all the souls who bless my life—these are truly the sweetest things.

The Queen of Water

 Queen of Water — Power of Love    The Queen is larger, more colorful, more intricate, far deeper and higher than we can conceive. The Queen powerfully engages with others. She is not beautiful because of her face and body. She is beautiful because life flows through her freely and is expressed freely. What would happen if you allowed yourself powerful loving expression?   Rev. Penny Clement, from one of her many beautifully illustrated tarot decks

I was in a large circle of women today, exploring the power of chi both individually and collectively. It was powerful and left me wanting to learn more about this energy. The facilitator has studied chi and Eastern modalities of healing for decades, and was an informative, loving force of nature. This was one of those times when I was left wanting more. I love when that happens!

Getting together with like-minded people is invaluable to me, whether in the 12-step rooms, or at my spiritual home. When ideas and experiences are shared, the learning is greatly enhanced. I learn from the insights of others, as I explore my own thoughts. We all grow in our human experience when we are given permission to be completely ourselves in a safe, supportive environment. 

One of the ways we extend our session together is to gather, those who can stay longer, for a group tarot reading, facilitated by our resident artist and card creator. We decide together what our intention is, then we intuitively draw a card from one of several decks, keeping it face down. We then present our cards, one at a time, as we feel inspired to do so. It’s an amazing process to watch how a theme presents itself, then offers clarity in it’s implementation.

Penny, our creative Queen, brought along a painting to raffle just prior to doing the card reading. It only seemed right when the winning ticket went to the day’s facilitator. Although I had really wanted the painting, I was perfectly at ease with the drawing’s result. After the group reading, though, she said that she felt that the painting should go to someone else, and asked who that might be. I raised a finger (I didn’t want to be pushy or greedy!), and it was given to me!

Honestly, right now my life is magical! I will enjoy this moment, this day, these feelings, and will remember how I feel right now in my body. This is but an instant, but this short time sparkles with joy and anticipation and gratitude.

Ease

 I love the word ‘ease’. It allows. It flows. 

I became aware of the simple power of that word when it was the choice of a friend of mine. We were at a prayer garden in Mount Shasta, at which strips of cloth and markers were provided. All visitors were invited to take a strip, and write a single word. The cloth was then tied to nearby trees as symbols of one-word prayers. 

Her choice of the word ‘ease’ was beautiful in it’s depth, because she knew she was dying from stage 4 stomach cancer. She wished to die with ease, and that is just what she did—simply and courageously.

We die as we live. This is a nugget of truth most people don’t care to think about, because we, as a culture of youth, like to push thoughts of death aside. We seem to think that if we never mention it, we won’t be touched, or if we mention it at all, we’ll be inviting death to visit too soon. 

When I focus on gratitude, I am living in this moment. I have this moment to live fully, to enjoy, to explore, to express creativity and joy. I am inviting ease into each moment. I am accepting the gift of Now.

In this Now, I feel a depth of gratitude for this day. My plan is to go to a lovely park this morning to sing with big-hearted individuals. We sing to each other, for each other, and for the world. We’ll practice songs which will invite ease into the lives of those who are heading into their transitions from this life. In the process, we will all emerge with joy in our hearts, which will allow the serenity of ease to wash over us in all we do. 

Just for today, I will allow gratitude to ease my path.

First World Problems

 I don’t suffer from lack. Even when my bank account is nothing but an echo chamber, I have all I need and so much of what I want. How many people in the world can say that? If I decide to go on a fast, it’s by choice rather than circumstance. How many people in the world today are on involuntary fasts due to awful conditions? If I indulge in feeling sad about something personal, that sadness may be real, but it is temporary. ‘This too shall pass’.

At this moment, I look out my balcony door onto the fresh green of Spring’s awakened trees. There are blooms all around, and the heady scent of Star Jasmine delights my senses. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, and when I hear a jet overhead, I know it is simply a transport rather than a reason to take cover. How blessed I am!

I have a refrigerator and a pantry full of food. I have a fan gently stirring the air around me. I have a kitten who is bonding with me, climbing into my lap with no prompting in order to lull me into peace with her tiny purring. When awake, she delights me with her running, jumping, and hunting prowess as she runs from feather prey to furry prey and back again.

I have people in my life who care deeply about me, and whom I, in turn, love and respect. Family, friends, a lover—I want for nothing. I’ll be traveling soon with a friend from decades ago to visit a mutual friend from the same era. What joy! I have family I can visit whenever I have the opportunity, and can enjoy them where they live and play. More joy! I don’t even have to save up to see them in person—technology puts us in each others’ living rooms!

These things and so much more are what I am grateful for on a daily basis. There is power in naming them, feeling them, filling myself with them. They allow me the perspective to see that when I’m absorbed in difficulties, I’m still a blessed person. 

Problems will arise, and they will find resolution and pass, because that’s what life includes. All things considered, I’m a very fortunate woman, living in this First World.