On This Crisp-Air Morning

 We have a brief respite from the heat here in Sacramento, with the cooling Delta Breeze providing a very comfortable morning. I’ll be heading out to my balcony soon to scan the paper, read the comics, and, most importantly, work the puzzles. My morning starts with coffee, prayer, and meditation, then more coffee and the newspaper. I’m kind of old-fashioned in that I still get the paper on paper. It’s what I prefer, and I still have that option.

I’m fortunate in that I, as a retired person, can opt to start my day in such a relaxed way. I’m very grateful for that. I fill my day with activities that interest me, and try to balance those things which only benefit me with those which give me a sense of purpose in serving others. The scales tip back and forth, but on the whole, they find their center.

On this crisp-air morning, I am grateful for all that I have, all I can do, and for the possibilities which lie ahead. May I be up to whatever task lies ahead, and open to whatever my part in it is.

And so it is.

It’s Supposed to be Fun!

 I want to live like my kitten—constantly exploring, seeing old things as if for the first time, being joyously surprised by by the new, and jumping into new adventures from different angles. Then, sleeping whenever the mood strikes!

My quickly-growing kitten is a delight—she is the Tao of Callie, to borrow a title about Pooh. Callie has yet to tell me what her name is. Until then, she’s Calico Callie Cat, and she’s my fun and fierce little role model. Explore! Investigate! Run, jump, pounce, and skittle like a crab! Go for the gusto!

I can contrast her lightness of being with the way I felt for many years—heavy, trying to walk through deep mud, more rain than sunshine, wondering why others seemed so damn happy. I had moments, to be sure, but the overall feeling was anything but fun. If I had lived like a cat then, I’d have been strung out on catnip. I hadn’t found that Big Ball of Yarn.

My Creator created Joy for me to discover. Joy is a lightness of being. It’s the nap after playing and the playing before the nap. It’s both daily kibble and the occasional can of tuna—mmmm! It’s a warm lap with gentle caresses, and the wonder of movement in all it’s forms.

Not all of life is meant to be a playground—there is the classroom, the lab, and the exam room as well. Some things are meant to be fun, but others are meant to be serious. Knowing which is which is a life skill. 

Today, I’m grateful for the daily reminders, often literally staring me in the face, to simply and thoroughly enjoy each moment, because, yes! It’s supposed to be fun!

Being Open to Change

 Open my heart—suavesando me corazón 🎶.  From a song in Threshold Choir’s repertoire

How many times have I been rigid in my thinking? How many opportunities have been lost as a result? While my intention is to live in today, I find that it is imperative, for any growth to take place, to look back for the purpose of discovery. What was the situation? What did I do? What was the outcome? Did that outcome serve others and myself, or did it create chaos? What can I learn from that experience in order to do and be the better individual I strive to be? Do I still have a mess to acknowledge and try to clean up?

I’ve heard a lot of people say “That’s just the way I am” as an excuse not to look at their own behavior. I recognize this because I’ve said it—and believed it—myself. I thought it fell under the rubric of being ‘true to myself’, when all it really was was a justification to remain the same.

Growth involves change. It’s necessary. It’s inevitable. That being so, I may as well be open to it and embrace it as a wonderful emerging. It’s like the caterpillar-to-butterfly miracle, in that all that no longer serves must be dissolved and reformed into something better. The process can be daunting and scary, but if I hang in there, I will be in the position to be amazed!

Today, I am grateful for the daily miracles and challenges which encourage me to open my heart to all that  is and all I encounter on my path.

Limitations

 Don’t sail out farther than you can row back.  Danish proverb

This is another gem from Insight Timer which greeted me this morning when I set my meditation countdown. It seems perfectly appropriate for me to consider, because we all have limits: limits to what we can achieve physically and emotionally, limits on our time and talents, and limits due to unforeseen circumstances.

What are my limits? I need to acknowledge them in order to recognize when I’ve reached them. Otherwise, I get to the place of banging my head against a proverbial brick wall. That’s no fun, but that’s what happens when I start thinking that I am equal to challenges for which I’m not. If someone asked me to help them pour and finish concrete, I could study all the YouTube videos possible, and I still wouldn’t be up to the task. There’s no way I could be a Contractor—I have no interest in learning all the ins and outs of that job. Engineer, pilot, nurse, home remodeler, brain surgeon—these things are obvious. What about the small daily challenges? Am I up to them?

On any given day, I have to assess my pain level. I have limits I need to recognize in order to keep it under control. I may have a high credit limit, but my personal accounting tells me that my spending must be limited to what I can pay, not to what some algorithm says I could, which would only end up with the issuer making money off of me while keeping me indebted to them indefinitely. No thank you.

I’ve learned lessons of the importance of limits through hard trial and many errors. While I still find myself beyond some reasonable limits, I’m better today at recognizing the difference between pipe-dream and reality.

Limits, it turns out, are valuable things, rather than ‘I dare you’ challenges. I’m grateful to find that there is an importance difference between what I can achieve and what is best left to others.

Possibilities

 Possibilities. There’s a word which embodies hope! 

I was thinking over my plans for the day, and I realized how many possibilities there were for me to consider. I want to plan a grocery list for a wonderful fruit salad to share. I get to visit a hospice patient and simply live in the Now with her. I’m going to learn a new computer skill this afternoon. I am able to make a payment on my credit card — and I have a credit card to pay. I have an apartment to tidy, or a movie to watch, or maybe both. I get to greet a sweetheart later and see what develops. 

I have choices in the food I decide to eat today. I have a beautiful and very challenging puzzle to consider starting. I have a kitten to tame (okay, not a real possibility!), and ideas to hatch. The day is wide open.

There is hope in possibility. If I stop seeing what could be, then I remain stuck in my current perception. If that perception is limited, then my opportunities are likewise limited. I don’t want to stunt my growth at any junction. I want to be open to whatever may present itself in this glorious, wonder-filled day.

First, coffee. Now, do I want a latte? Iced or hot? Black? Decisions, decisions! 

I’m so grateful to have choices in my life on this day.

My Abundance

 I saw a picture online of a colorfully written reminder: Please remember: Your job is the dream of the unemployed, your house is the dream of the homeless, your smile is the dream of the depressed, your health is the dream of those who are sick. Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negativity. Find something to be grateful for.

Yesterday, I was at the beautiful home of a friend who loves to share her abundance with family and friends. She throws epic parties, and I had a great time. We discussed the subject of abundance, and she acknowledged her own. She’s not haughty. Rather, she is grateful.

I have a teacher who recognized his own envy when he saw people who had more ‘toys’—better car, bigger home, nicer career, whatever it was that he coveted. He learned the value of turning that envy into gratitude for the abundance of others, and quietly congratulated them for that. What began as forced words became meant feelings. Imagining himself in their shoes did nothing for his own sense of value—he needed to see them walking their own path, finding happiness in their lives, and being happy with them.

I have experienced that change in my own life. I can feel happiness for the abundance others experience, without feeling diminished in the process. What a glorious change from the internal knots of jealously I used to indulge in! Now, like the reminder above says, I am free to fully enjoy all that I have, instead of wishing for something else. I don’t have a home anymore, but I have a very comfortable apartment, with a cozy bed and food in the fridge—and air conditioning. The job I didn’t particularly enjoy has provided me with a steady retirement income, freeing me from the anxiety of wondering how to pay my rent. My health is still good enough to find enjoyment in all I do. I’m thankful for legs that still work, lungs which need no help, a heart which is still beating steadily.

Most important, I find so much on a daily basis which makes me smile. I live my life in beautiful abundance. For that, I am grateful.

A Mile in Your Mocassins

 I was listening to a compelling point of view the other day. It was about politics, which, as we all know, is currently a very volatile subject. I have my beliefs and opinions, and have been known to be rather strident about them, but what do I really know? I heard some ideas which I’d never considered, some beliefs from ‘the other side’. I didn’t change my basic stance, but it added color to my previously black and white thinking.

It’s an interesting thing, learning to see things through the eyes of another. It’s a basic element, I think, of learning true compassion. How can we communicate if we’ve already decided that whatever the other one says is wrong? It only makes it harder for me to break out of dualistic thinking.

My belief is that we are all One. One Love, showing up in a plethora of shapes, sizes, and hues. So many opinions, so much staunch, immovable thinking. If I think I’m an expert in anything, I’m only fooling myself! If I’ve convinced myself that you’re wrong even before you speak, I’ve packed my ears with cotton and will not be able to hear you. That serves no one and changes nothing.

If I am able to put myself in your shoes, to ‘walk a mile in your moccasins’, I can then grow in understanding. My opinions matter little—they only serve to keep me small. 

Today, I’m grateful for the insights given to me through the voices of others.