There’s So Much to Learn!

 So many books, so little time…

When I was in school, I felt as though I was always in over my head. I didn’t understand what I was being asked to learn, I had never heard of ‘critical thinking’ and would have been hard-pressed to apply it anyway. I couldn’t wait to get the heck out of school, and it showed in my GPA.

I applied to a small college which had a generous admission policy, not having a clue what to study. The whole idea of college made my stomach hurt, so I was delighted when I came upon an opportunity to join a troupe of traveling actors. The stage! My true passion! And it had a Christian bent which gave me justification to go, because, after all, it was for God!

The concept of an afterlife which was presented to me as a continuation of learning, gave me a mental image of an endless classroom. The thought made me shudder. School? Classrooms? Oh, how it made my stomach hurt even more! Why, God? Hadn’t I been punished enough?

Fast-forward to now. I take classes, I’m in book study groups, I eagerly acquire study guides and ‘further learning’ tools. It’s become difficult to pick just one to work with. Choices! At my own pace! Learning has, at last, become fun. It is a priority in my life finally. How fortunate are those who were able to learn while young enough to apply that knowledge to their lives!

Well, better late than never. Today I’m grateful that there’s so much to learn!

Sweet Interludes

 I’ve recently enjoyed a very sweet interlude. Seeing it as what it was—a short detour from the norm—has freed me to enjoy the memories it gave me. Those memories are my gifts. Expectations of permanence or even semi-permanence threatened to replace joy with fear or sadness at it’s completion, but staying grounded helps my perspective.

Detours can sometimes trip me up, but the path remains whole and available. Usually the detours show up when work is being done on the main road. There are signs to follow, allowing me to not get lost. I’m always glad to return to the trusted path, but sometimes those alternate routes can be surprisingly beautiful. Such was my recent diversion—joy-filled, exciting, life-affirming. It also gave me a greater appreciation for the steadiness of the main road.

May I always be open to new paths, new opportunities, and new experiences as I move ever forward in this one beautiful life I’ve been given! 

Today I’m grateful for all the flavors of joy which come from a willingness to be open to new adventures.

Accidentally On Purpose

 When I was growing up, one of my favorite ploys was to leave something at a friend’s house, in order to “have to” return for it. I “forgot” things every time I spent the night with a pal. What I was really doing was to lie on a regular basis, and assume all the parents involved weren’t onto me. “What? Me lie?” Uh-huh—over and over again.

That was, I’m pretty sure, a fairly common childhood act of mischief, but what it managed to set up for me was the ease with which I would lie about anything and everything. 

Fast forward to adulthood. The lying didn’t stop. In fact, I became rather proficient in trying to fool myself. If whatever I wanted in the short term was contrary to my better judgement, guess which one won out? “Yes, but…” and “just this once…” became familiar refrains. “I’ll start tomorrow” continues to show up, although I’m better these days at catching it and recognizing it for the lie it is. Ah, growing up!

So, how many ways do I continue to try to fool myself? Catching myself in the act and recognizing what I’m doing in the moment is the challenge. I do have some successes to build on, though. Even though I refused to see the truth for years, I finally admitted to myself and others that my drinking had progressed to the point of being unable to stop for more than a few days. There’s a name for people in that position, which I had to claim in order to start healing: alcoholic. There was such a stigma to that word, I tried desperately to convince myself I hadn’t joined the ranks of such “losers”.

Those “losers” were guides for me in learning that it’s simply an affliction which can be overcome, as long as I would be truthful about it. The process is teaching me to be honest with myself. Not “has taught”, but “is teaching”. It’s an ongoing process of looking at my motives and questioning my justifications.

There is no “accidentally” in this task—it’s all “on purpose”.

Giving Thanks

 I’ve been reminded many times lately to give thanks for everything. I mean, that’s the whole purpose of this blog, of course, but it feels more specific today. Not that I have specifics in mind—I just feel the need to specify for myself.

Gratitude is healing. I believe this. It heals the heart, the soul, the psyche, and very possibly, the body as well. It invites ease, peace, and serenity.

I’m grateful for my silly cat, for her boundless energy when she wants to play and for her commitment to taking naps whenever she wants.

I’m grateful for friends who share their victories as well as their challenges, and for the trust they have in me with both.

I’m grateful to love and be loved. For family members who remain supportive and available. For my upcoming visit to Colorado to see and hug some of those loved ones.

I'm grateful that I have a full refrigerator, and am not wondering about where my next meal will come from. 

I have so very much for which I feel deep gratitude. May I continue to rest in the abundance of “enough”.

Sharing the Joy

 Social Media can be a real time suck, it’s true, but while indulging, what do I pay attention to? Am I stuck in the political muck, the Us vs. Them mentality? Do I spend time in judgement of others? In mocking them? Am I saturating my psyche with duality? 

Algorithms are built around what I search for or spend time on. What info goes into those algorithms is dependent upon where my interests take me. If I start looking up any subject, more on that as well as related articles will suddenly appear. The more time I spend on them, the more of them I’ll receive. It’s a vortex created from my own curiosity.

I was thinking about this as I was scrolling through my feed earlier. I was reading about the joy others are experiencing, and reflecting on how their happiness was contagious. It’s been a paradigm shift for me, this being happy for someone else’s happiness. ‘Tweren’t always so… my fragile little (!) ego would be wounded by the joy experienced by others. I would take it as a personal assault, a condemnation of where I was and what I was going through, of decisions made which felt beyond my control. This was back when I was a Victim. 

Emotional sobriety is a thing, and I am finally tasting it. I have miles to go, but I’ve come far enough along that I can experience peace instead of envy, enjoying the enjoyment of others. 

Today I’m grateful for the fact that others can share their joy freely, and I can willingly appreciate that. Likewise, I can share the things which make me happy, knowing that the people who know me, personally or virtually, are the kinds of people who don’t resent the good in the lives of others.

Open to What Is

 I’m in the midst of learning about personal power—what it is, how important it is, how I give it away, and how to keep it. Caroline Myss offers great insights in her Archetypes series on YouTube. 

There are many archetypes, and I find that I embody some of each. They show up in how I think about myself and others, how I behave, what I believe; in all aspects of my life. How do I treat myself? How do I treat others? How do I allow others to treat me?

These aspects tend to show up when I’m trying to run the show. They’re ego-driven rather than Spirit-driven. Sometimes the results seem good, but so very often, I get a good bonking by reality. What am I trying to change? How am I manipulating the situation or other people? I have to examine my motives carefully, looking at myself from the Witness point of view. That is, separate from the egoic self.

In my case right now, I am paying extra attention to one particular archetype which shows up like a whack-a-mole. My choices are to keep whacking, plug the holes, or walk away. For me, my only healthy choice is the latter. If I keep trying to rig the game, I’ll only succeed in frustration and failure. When I walk away, I can say that the game was fun, but ultimately I’d always be the loser.

Today I’m grateful for the opportunity to be open to what IS, rather than continue to try to shape reality. I claim inner peace, inner strength, and inner power.

And so it is.

Waiting for God, Oh!

 “And if you don’t think you have anything to be grateful for, keep looking. Because you don’t just receive optimism. You can’t wait for things to be great and then be grateful for that. You’ve got to behave in a way that promotes that.  Michael J. Fox

I try very hard not to wait for something for which I can express gratitude. My daily aim is to be thankful for all of it—every little thing, including the not-so-fun-in-the-moment stuff. I feel like there is something to be gained in every experience in this life. Dark nights of the soul can lead to renewed vision. Broken hearts teach compassion and patience. 

But there’s so much of the good stuff! The smile from a stranger, the opportunities to show kindness, a call from a child or other family member or an old friend just to say hello. Chance encounters, lovely cloud formations, sunset skies like the one I saw last night, comfortable weather or the hot days which give me gratitude for air conditioning or cold ones making me thankful for heat. 

How can I make someone’s load a little lighter? Service to others creates the prime medium in which to grow an optimistic attitude. Dusting a shelf of mementos can bring a smile of remembrance. Singing, writing, making art—all unleash the creative flow which waters the seeds of gratitude.

I can be grateful too for self-forgiveness; for those times I didn’t grab hold of joy, or when I didn’t see the good around me. I don’t live there, but I’ve visited a few times. Awareness of the positives in life feels so much better! And it’s self-sustaining — good begets good (usually). If life is just a bowl of cherry pits, take the opportunity to plant them!