More Cookies!

 And peanut brittle too! 

Oh, I’m having such fun in the kitchen these days! We had our cookie party, and I had plenty of sugar cookies and gingerbread men left over. I made up a little “decorate it yourself” station, and put it all in my clubhouse so that the residents could have their own fun.

Yesterday I made peanut-coconut brittle—my first attempt—and I can say truthfully that it is yummy! Today, I’m baking snowball cookies and chocolate mint sandwich cookies. Mmmm! I’ll be packaging some of each to send to my sons, along with assorted stocking stuffers. It just makes me happy to do this, but I have to admit, I’m glad it’s just once a year!

It is such a joy for me to imagine them enjoying what I made for them. I infuse the dough with lots of love, and hope that they can feel it with each bite. I’ll even send some to the son who has distanced himself from me. I hope that distance diminishes over time, but for now, I can send him my love in an edible form.

This is just literally the sweetest time of the year. 

Today, I’m grateful for a kitchen to cook in, enough money to buy all the ingredients and to mail the finished products, and for the physical ability to get in there and get it done!

My Spiritual Home

 It’s a marvelous thing to find a place where you feel at ease, where respect is mutual, and where beliefs are honored. I attend various functions there, and have met many like-minded people with whom I share ideas, challenge myself, and listen to wonderful messages.

My spiritual journey has been long and weird! From a very narrow path where I scraped myself constantly on the sharp edges, to my current home base which is as wide as I need and as welcoming as I am able to be welcoming to others. I’m learning, growing, and more accepting of other modes of thought, for the most part. Any hesitation from me invites further investigation, rather than mindless condemnation.

I was in a very cult-like group for many years, where there were strict parameters around what was acceptable to give in to and what our “mission” was. Discomfort was not spoken about, and our time was never our own. That was a very difficult situation to completely shake off—the path was still narrow and dangerous.

The way of thinking which comes from the continual brainwashing becomes like cement. It won’t dissolve, can’t be reasoned away, and persists any effort to chip it away. And it’s heavy, so very heavy. 

I’m enormously grateful to have finally found a spiritual home which teaches, doesn’t dictate; which challenges, doesn’t disallow questions; which loves and accepts all who seek their own spiritual reality, their own Source, and doesn’t spoon-feed nothing but pablum.

Today, I am thankful for all that I am, all that I have, all that I learn from truly enlightened teachers.

Cookies!

 Christmas cookies! Making them, decorating them, sharing them—all are some of the joyous aspects of the holiday season. Yesterday I made, cut out, and baked double recipes of gingerbread men and all the sugar cookie shapes—trees, ornaments, snowflakes (the only ones we’ll see in Sacramento!), snowmen (ditto), and canes. 

Today is Action Day. A group of friends and I will gather in front of my clubhouse’s fireplace to combine our cookies and decorations to have a Cookie Decorating Party. It will conclude with a gift exchange game, and will be liberally sprinkled throughout the afternoon with oohs, aahs, and much laughter! Some of us are ace decorators, and others of us, well, we’ll make an effort. However the cookies turn out, the time together will be capital ‘F’ Fun!

I love this kind of get-together. All of us contribute, and no one individual is responsible for everything. We’ll share setting up and cleaning up, and nobody ends up totally pooped. While the overall responsibility is mine, I know I won’t have a heavy burden. That certainly adds to the fun factor for me!

I’m so grateful to have these women as friends. If I ever need anything, any one of them can be called upon for help. This is the kind of community we all need, I think. People getting together for one purpose, regardless of their personal or political leanings. Those things don’t matter when the attention on each other is simply valued friendship.

I feel very fortunate to have a circle of friends. I wish this for everyone. Today I’ll celebrate the joys of the season with them, as we laugh, make messes, create the occasional masterpiece (maybe!), and focus on something besides any troubles we may be having.

Cookies, anyone?

Necessary Endings

 Some things just don’t work out. That’s okay—it’s one of the modes of learning. In the words of Omar Lee, “Ending something doesn’t have to be filled with regret, anger, or negativity. We have experiences and memories that serve a purpose.”

Exactly! 

I am moving on, and it finally feels right. I have made memories, some very good, and I have learned more about myself in the process. One of my central teachers right now has a beautiful way of explaining personal and spiritual growth as if it were a tall building. The people on the first floor can’t see anything but things on that level. As we grow and learn, we reach higher floors, where the views are ever more expansive. Each ascent comes with more understanding of the hugeness around us as our views become less obstructed by neighboring buildings.

We finally, hopefully, with enough understanding and growth, reach the Penthouse, where there are no impediments to our views. We see that we are far beyond the smallness of the first floors. Those floors are not bad—in fact, without them, there would be no building. Each floor has its place and its meaning, and each one, fully explored, leads to the necessity of moving up, one floor at a time.

Sometimes, life events can bring us down to the first floor again, with all its limits and pettiness. That’s where a necessary ending can allow me to resume my ascent up the building. It’s neither good nor bad; it’s just a learning experience, from which I can choose to grow or to stay small.

Today, I’m very grateful to effect that necessary ending, knowing that I am whole, loved and lovable, cherished and capable.

Sleep

 Yes, I’m grateful for sleep—long, delicious, cozy nights, and all the naps I want. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately, probably because my body is requiring it after a bit of an invasion a few days ago. 

I’ve lived through periods of insomnia. What a terrible, horrible, awful feeling it is to be incredibly tired, but unable to fall into healing rest. Tired all day, unable to sleep at night, ad infinitem. I took sleeping aids for years, due to having an all-night work schedule. Once I was again working in daytime hours, my habit continued. Multiply that by a couple of decades, and you can see that I was convinced that they were absolutely necessary.

After several months of a much more gentle medication, I am sleeping better, enjoying my movie-quality dreams. Right now, as my body is in healing mode, I have no problem allowing it to step into la-la land for an extended visit. 

Chores will wait. Projects can survive being on hold. My to-do list is just the lines on the paper, ready to be filled in as I go. My gratitude for sleep co-exists with my gratitude for retirement. The latter allows the former.

Today, I will continue to listen to the cues my body sends. I’ll do what I can, and not listen to the thoughts that like to nag, admonishing me to do more! more! more! I’m the boss of me, and I allow as many breaks as I want. So there!

Sponteneity

 I answered an evite the other day for a special movie presentation at a classic old theatre in town, to celebrate its 85th year. 85 years! How is that possible?!

So I’ll be heading out soon to see whatever classic movie I signed up to see. I don’t recall the title, but it doesn’t matter to me—I’ll be participating in a celebration of movies in general, in a movie theatre which has kept most of its old-fashioned charm. Plus, there will be snacks afterward! Winning!

I love that I can choose to take part in such an event. I love that I long ago got over feeling that I needed company in order to enjoy going anywhere or doing anything. I can be my own company, and that’s more than okay.

As the leaves fall under a cloudy sky, I’ll be engulfed in a vision made real by the producers, directors, writers, actors, and all those associated with making a story come alive. It’s quite magic, I think. I’ll be in the world they fabricated, transported from Sacramento, California to whatever setting they’ve devised. 

So today, I’m grateful for the willingness and ability to attend this event, to meet with others who also enjoy this kind of adventure, and to enlarge my own vision, even for just a couple of hours.

Moments of Kindness

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.  His Holiness the Dalai Lama

I like myself a whole lot better when I remind myself to show kindness to others. It really doesn’t take a lot—putting myself in their shoes definitely helps. 

Back when I was ruled by an inferiority complex and an overactive ego, kindness didn’t come easily. I was too busy comparing myself to others: who had what I wanted; who had more, even if it wasn’t something I wanted; feeling completely sorry for myself and angry that I felt trapped while having no clue how to effect change. That is simply no way to live this one, beautiful life!

Kindness begins with the inner landscape. I needed to stop hating myself so that I could express tenderness to that scared person inside my skin. That took a lot, because I had to fight the old habit of feeling ‘less than’ while angrily needing to hide it. What a roller-coaster of conflicting emotions! 

Wisdom grows along a side track of age and experience. I’ve shaken off the lies, and have learned to love who I am, even with the imperfections—and there are so many! It’s all good. I haven’t ‘arrived’, but life is a lot calmer now that I can accept reality and understand that a bump and a bruise along the way isn’t the same as abject failure.

So today, I am grateful for my growth. It’s a continuing process. I’m grateful that I am capable of both showing kindness and feeling kindly toward others as we all learn to navigate our individual paths.