I had a deep insight a couple of nights ago, and I write about it to help cement that new understanding into my brain. I had finally experienced the closing of a chapter, and felt clean and refreshed. The person with whom I was dealing perhaps felt less so, as I finally found my voice, and was saying ‘no more’ with specificity.
Later, feeling sad for him, and feeling responsible for making him feel anything, I simply “knew” that I had to go to him to ease his discomfort. Hahahaha!! What I was shown in my meditation about all that was that I was assuming the role of Savior. I was taking responsibility for that which was not mine. I am not God, or his Higher Power (or anyone’s, for that matter), and his discomfort was not and is not mine to try to fix.
What freedom there is in that! What an overdeveloped sense of responsibility for the happiness—or unhappiness—of others I can have: Look! It’s Co-Dependent Woman! She alone carries the burdens of others! She alone can relieve anyone of the consequences of their own bad decisions!
In fact, I am powerless over others, every bit as much as I am powerless over alcohol. I am responsible for my actions. The end. I have a working, living relationship with my Higher Power, and everyone else has that right as well. What other people, children included, do with their inner understanding is their work, not mine. All I can do is follow my own North Star.
I am so very grateful for that bright moment of insight. I am grateful for my path, pebble-strewn, muddy, or moss-covered, with sign-posts or without, leading to places unknown and unknowable, but mine to discover.
Thank you, Ethereal Team—God, Guides, and Guardian Angels. You ROCK!
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