Do-Overs

 Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Charles Dederich

I don’t have to be defined by anything which has already occurred. I tend to do so anyway, just out of habit: I can’t do this or that because of (fill in the blank); I’ve just always been like this; I don’t know any other way. I can find many reasons why moving forward isn’t possible for me. I’m special that way.

What I’m learning, every darn day, is that all the excuses I carry just serve to keep me from growing as a human. I get to choose, though—stay in an old mindset which defies forward momentum, or be willing to look at all my “reasons” as the excuses they are, and step out of my (dis)comfort zone. It can feel scary, but doing so leads me to the signposts which point to my fulfillment on this earthly plane.

Here’s a do-over: after being fanged by my former ‘emotional support’ cat (and having him escorted from the building), I’m going to try again, this time with a kitten instead of a middle-aged, nasty-mannered old tomcat. I’m willing to try again with new parameters. 

Here’s another: welcoming a relationship after several years of being single. That’s a situation which demands setting out on a different path, with a mindset open to newness. It’s both exciting and scary, but therein lies the possibility of fresh joy.

And another: in spite of the mistakes I made as a parent when my kids were little, I still have Now. Today, I can be the mother I want to be, or I can at least come close. My boys are well and truly men now and don’t need their mama, but I can drop surprises into their lives from time to time as expressions of my love for them. I can offer them my ‘living amends’.

Today, I will only consider my yesterdays as lessons. If I have amends to make, I will make them, and will strive to make sure that my behavior causes no harm. I will enjoy the sweetness of my kitten, and I will bask in the glow of affection. If my sons call, I will laugh with them or be a sounding board for something they need to work out. I will be present for all of these things.

I’m so grateful for all my do-overs, and for the opportunity to, as the sign I received from my good friend Janet says, “Live by Grace, not perfection.”