It’s a Choice

 Emily Dickinson wrote about dwelling in possibility—I choose to dwell in gratitude. I’ve lived in many other states—anger, regret, sadness, victimhood, fantasy. All are self-sustaining, and can suck me like vortexes into pits of thinking only of myself. Opportunities are lost in those pits. Growth is stunted when I live in the darkness of Self Only.

Opting to a life lived in a state of gratitude is expanding, rather than contracting. It keeps me open to Emily’s “possibilities”, and allows the Sunlight of the Spirit to shine in my heart. It invites sharing, openness, and a sense of peace. It teaches me about the abundance of “enough”. It produces cracks in the shell of isolation which allow the light of joy to enter.

What keeps me from this level of awareness, when its aspects and effects are so very appealing? Gratitude chases away the false notion of “lack”, but sometimes, my vision becomes limited and myopic. When I can only see the immediate conundrum, I’m blocking my view of the intricate woven beauty of the All. I have given in to the false idea of my own importance, my particular belief in the moment, or my skewed interpretation of events.

I’m very grateful to have choice. I’m glad that when I lose sight of any of what I have to be thankful for, it doesn’t need to be the place where I live. I can, at any time, choose to find those aspects of my life which are good and right, holy and beautiful. And I choose to start over at any time.

The Obstacle is the Path

 Over, Under, Sideways, Down   The Yardbirds

Today’s gratitude prompt is a Zen proverb, coming again from Insight Timer. Simple truth, simply stated, reflecting a deep knowing. 

Sometimes, when an obstacle appears, it’s easy to wonder why it’s there, and why now (and often, why me?). The answer? Life’s twists and turns happen to everyone; it’s simply my turn. The solution lies in the creative process—will I go over? Under? Around? Head-on? Or will I choose to rest awhile and ponder the solution?

It doesn't matter. All roads are laden with obstacles, and every solution is as legitimate as any other, I think. My life: my path. My choice: my consequence.

This is more speculative than specific for me today, I’m happy to say, but I can never get lulled into thinking that a smooth road behind me presages a smooth road before me. Life doesn’t work that way. I have a solid posse of friends who assist whenever they can, just as I am part of their support teams for when they experience challenges larger than they believe they can navigate alone.

Life is a series of surprises! How I approach each day is going to be determinative of how I react to each. I start my days with a big “Hello!” to my Creator and Ethereal Team. We’re in this together for the long haul.

Over, under, sideways, down; backwards, forwards, square and round. Whatever happens, love abounds!

More Cheers for Family!

 I just booked a visit to Denver to visit my brother and my three Colorado sons. It’s got me feeling excited and happy to see them all. On top of that (literally, almost), I get to visit my mountains. Ahh, the beauty!

My family of origin is spread out; one brother near me in California, the one in Denver I’ll be seeing, and my sister who lives in France. All are wonderful places to visit and all are wonderful people to spend time with. Aren’t I fortunate?! 

Not all families are able to stay in touch or tolerate each other for very long. I recognize how very blessed I am to have a closeness with them. We all try to be decent people holding no ancient grudges. I took that fact for granted for a ling time, until I started to see familial dynamics which weren’t like mine. Perhaps having distance between us helps.

With my sons, it’s a little different. They have a different experience, so far. Time will provide the answers to whether or not they choose to be close to each other. We just never know, do we?

My Mom was a WWII war bride from Australia. She came to the US as a young wife, soon-to-be mother, long before it was feasible to communicate much beyond “aerograms”, the super thin blue one-piece letter and envelope made for airmail. It was such a different time! She missed her parents terribly, and missed out on the growing maturity of her brother and sister.

We grew up with the palpable sadness of missing family members. Maybe that was a contributing factor in my siblings and I having a closeness which distance hasn’t blurred. Whatever created it, I appreciate the sweetness of the fact of it. 

Today, I am grateful for the family I grew up in, as well as the families we created. Big hugs to them all!

Three Cheers for Friends!

 I had a situation come up which threw me for a loop. I was pretty sure I was dealing with it well, but a very perceptive pal, my dear friend, probed a little deeper, making me give words to feelings. I’m so very grateful she did—talking, listening, absorbing truths; all worked their magic to lift me out of the underlying feelings of being flawed. 

It was just one of those life events which happen to most people, but I had been directing thoughts of failure onto myself. It wasn’t a conscious thing—I would have argued that it wasn’t the case at all, but I was blind to what I couldn’t see. My friend lovingly pointed that out.

Where would I be without the love and friendship of others? What a lonely place that would be. We need each other to grow, to learn, to share the challenges and celebrate the victories. I’m the grateful recipient this time; next time, it may well be the other way around. Can I be the kind of loving friend another person needs when they have their own moments of doubt? I certainly hope so. It’s what I aim for.

Today, I once again feel a lightness of being. Welcome back, Self-Acceptance! Hello, Serenity! Today I will totally be in the moment, each moment, enjoying the marvelous adventure of a guided trip to the City to see a stage production about a woman who thoroughly understood the value of embracing her own strength—Tina Turner.  I’ll meet new friends—the treasures of this life, and I’ll have a new experience in my memory bank to enjoy over and over again.

Thank you, Dear Friend. Thank you, my Creator and originator of Love. Thank you, Brand New Day!

Expansion/Contraction

 Gratitude is the food of expansion. Fear is the fodder of contraction. What I consume is entirely up to me.

When I find myself feeling any sadness, I need to ask myself what I’m afraid of in that moment. When I’m in a moment of anger, the same question applies. What is setting me off? Why? Did I have expectations of a specific result? Did someone not follow my script? If I can pare the negative feelings down to their core, what is the underlying issue? Is that something I can work with, or do I find that I need to find a way to simply let it be? I am in a constricted state, which means more effort on my part to recognize what is going on within myself.

Conversely, when I’m feeling a sense of all being well, I am in a state of gratitude and openness. I am in acceptance and peace with what is. I can breathe a little deeper, relax more fully, and truly be in the moment. Expansion allows. It is my growth medium. It’s where I want to live.

Life is simply going to unfold in it’s own random way. Some experiences will be challenging, and will bring on a state of contraction. That’s as it should be, I think. Sometimes life demands that we go within for a bit. If, in those times, I can still find those elements of my life which bring comfort, I am healing well. If not, I get the feeling of being stuck in a downward spiral. Again, I have choice.

Today I’m grateful for gratitude. I’m grateful to be in my cozy home, I’m thankful for dear friends, I get to laugh at my young cat’s fevered play, and I am aware that all my needs are met. Gratitude comes easily today.

Recovering

 I am a recovering People Pleaser. It’s not that I not longer want everyone to be happy and to like me—I just find that those desires no longer rule my decision-making. But then, as with all recovery programs, it’s “progress, not perfection”.

Sometimes in recovery, relapses happen. The trick when those nasty events occur is to show myself the kindness I would offer others, pick myself up, and not be afraid to try again. Chakra-wise, there can be a major blockage in my throat center which aims to prevent me from speaking my truth. When the blockage wins, words which want to be spoken instead get shoved down into the core of Who I Am, creating a new blockage in my 3rd Chakra, my Solar Plexus.

What I try to have is balance, but that won’t happen if I continually weaken my power centers. I’ll start listing one way then the other, getting dizzy and disoriented. It’s hard to unlearn old patterns, but that’s what recovery is for. I’ve experienced holding my boundaries in a kind yet firm way, and I want those experiences to be in the majority of my interactions, not just a select few.

Today I’m grateful for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can (you can do it!),  and the wisdom (please God) to know the difference.

Follow the Leader

 I’m so glad I have people in my life whom I admire. I’m grateful for public figures I admire as well. When I look at just what it is about people that I find myself wanting to emulate and break it down to its elements, I then have a map for myself to follow.

Here’s what happens: I see a woman about my height who is clearly toned and athletic, I can silently acknowledge that she is ‘doing the deal’. She watches what she eats and she exercises. She has self-discipline. I can either look for ways to improve those actions in my own life and see where they take me, or I can crawl up into a ball of self-recrimination, resenting everyone who works for their results. 

I can look at a public figure and ask myself what it took for her to achieve what she has. I can try to ascertain what character attributes have enabled her on her path, and see where I might try them on my own journey. 

It’s not just the big things. In fact, it’s a whole lot of the little things, all working together, which light my path. What are my daily routines? Do they serve me and my growth? If not, what might their purpose be?What could I do differently? What am I actually able to maintain, and what do I need to eliminate? Do I give myself the grace to simply be, or do I crowd out the ‘be-ing’ with a bunch of ‘shoulds’?

The whole idea is to be the better version of myself, within the parameters of reasonableness. 

I think it starts with gratitude—and a positive attitude!

Embracing My Courage

 I know I am strong. I have emerged from some serious ‘dark nights of the soul’ with new insights and realizations. The instrument that is me has been honed by trial and tempered by fire. And here’s an important point: I’m no different, no better than anyone else in this regard. Part of gaining any kind of emotional maturity is in the recognition of the universality of this fact. 

But still. But still it is worthy and valuable to think about the challenges I’ve faced or been thrust into, and how I have integrated the lessons into my understanding of my life. My ego has been broken like a thrown egg, taped back together and pronounced good as new. It doesn’t have the tensile strength of an intact egg; it has shown me that I can embrace it in its place, treat it gently, and understand that it isn’t a representation of rugged individuality. It is rather a tender facet of who I am, of who I understand myself to be.

My courage is like the tape holding the shell together. It is a gift of Spirit, a love note from my Creator letting me remember that It is the Source of all courage. It is mine to use. It is the adhesive of the heart, the glue of co-creation of a new or renewed Me.

I am the sum of all my experiences. Some experiences have been superb, and some have been ghastly, but all have allowed me to grow in this human experience. All have contributed to the whole of who I am and how I operate.

Today, I am especially grateful for the gift of courage. It is always available to me—all I need to do is say a quick prayer (“help”), take a deep breath, and dive in head-first.

When Others Hurt

 How can I feel gratitude for what I have when so many have lost everything? Isn’t it tone deaf to celebrate all that I feel gratitude for at times like this? 

Certainly not. Having empathy for the misfortunes of others should prompt us into action of some sort, but I can’t shut down out of a misplaced solidarity with tragedy. I acknowledge the sadness of my fellow humans, and I promise to enjoy life in spite of it. I vow to be as aware and available as possible while living as fully as I can.

People who have any sense of empathy for the misfortunes of others must still navigate their own lives. I can spend time in intercessory prayer, I can hold space for healing, I can make contributions towards rebuilding and rehoming. The onus for taking action is on me. I can’t do so if all I’m feeling is the overwhelm which isn’t necessarily mine to feel.

Today I’m grateful to still have shelter, even while so many just lost all they had. Maybe even more so because I can see that tragedies strike indiscriminately. I’m grateful to have food to eat, air conditioning to  cool off to, a working vehicle to take me wherever I need to go.

I’m grateful for this one beautiful day, with all its sorrows and challenges, for those who are near enough to tangibly help others, and for the human ability to take appropriate action.

The Best Laid Plans

🎶 You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run 🎶   Kenny Rogers

That ice cream I was making? Failure. The egg yolks curdled, and it was a mess. I tried to churn it anyway, and the machine wouldn’t cooperate—I had ice cream around the edges of eggy goo, and had to wait for it all to thaw before I could remove the clapper. Sigh.

What’s an aspiring Ice Cream Goddess to do but go buy some! Store-bought will hold me until I get the ingredients for another try. This time I’ll temper more carefully—and I’ll use a different recipe as well. I'll take my time, and I’ll put all of my attention into what I’m doing. And I might fail again. That’s okay, if I’m enjoying the process. If I’m not, then I won’t do that anymore. Easy!

Sometimes, though, in spite of myself, I’ll do it again. The Magic Eight Ball says “I wouldn’t”, and I say, “But I would”.  The recipe just has to work this time! I’ll make just the right tweaks, and all will be well. Maybe, maybe not. 

I live my life in a series of attempts. There are more successes than not, and I am learning to find that fine balance between expectation and reality. I’m very grateful for the opportunities I have to try, and try again.

Homemade Ice Cream

 …And other delights! I have the custard cooling. Once it’s chilled, it’ll go into the ice cream maker. What fun! This batch is flavored with stick cinnamon—yum! The last batch had chocolate covered toffee bits—so delish!

I’d love to bake a pie to go with the ice cream, but with my air conditioning working overtime on this 100° day, that will just have to wait for better baking weather.

Aren’t I blessed to have such choices?! I have a large kitchen, for an apartment. It’s an open invitation to me to come and create. Of course, it’s also my craft and sewing room, so it does tend to get a little crowded. That’s okay!

In other news, I have emerged from a relationship which was great fun for awhile, until I could no longer ignore the sea of red flags. I am intact, I’m happy to say, but perhaps compensating a little bit with ice cream..? It’s all good. I feel strong, beautiful, and I have a sense of ease now. 

In the world of delights, I have tasted a good variety, and there’s still so much more to try! Today I am grateful for the plenitude of yumminess, and for being able to partake of so much.

Whispers of Gratitude

 Feeling grateful isn’t always a big, wide-open thing. Sometimes it’s in the small things, the quiet moments, the everyday expectations. It’s the aroma of coffee in the morning, the cool and gentle breeze of a new day, a cloud, a bird, a feeling of contentment. These are the times I want to notice and give thanks for.

I know people who allow themselves to be wrapped up in their troubles, seeing them as blockages rather than challenges. I recognize this because of my own past of being a “victim”. I wasn’t presented problems to solve, I was subsumed by them. I couldn’t find my gratitude in such a mindset.

Actress and author Annabelle Gurwich has a podcast called “Tiny Victories”. I love the very idea! What small challenge did I overcome today? What were my tiny victories? They mount up, you know, and become the armor of strength, enabling the will to move forward. Each tiny victory deserves a whispered “thank you”. Each challenge met gets the loud “Thanks!”

Today I intend to notice and express my gratitude for all that I encounter. I intend to see the small things, the usual, expected, and normally unnoticed blessings of goodness. Today I will whisper my gratitude over and over.

Calling All Angels!

 When at night I go to sleep, 14 angels watch do keep. Two my head are guarding; Two my feet are guiding; Two are on my right hand; Two are on my left hand; Two who warmly cover; Two who o’er me hover; Two to whom ‘tis given to guide my steps to Heaven.  Unattributed

This was a song I learned when I was a child in Sunday School. It was a sweet sentiment with which to drift off to dreamland. As with a lot of what I felt was childish, I consigned the sentiment to the junk heap which held Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

The belief in angels has returned to me. Sometimes they show up in much the same way as Santa and the Bunny, as humans doing kind things for others. At all times, though, I believe I have my posse of personal angels, offering encouragement as I get to live in this body temple, learning the lessons I’m meant to learn and experiencing the joys I get to encounter. 

I’m never lost; I have my team saying to me “we’ve got you, it’s alright”. In my mind, I see them as God’s Emissaries—the Personal Assistants to The Master, ensuring that I meet my lessons, experiencing my life alongside me in everything I do. 

I’m sort of going out on a limb writing this, since it really is kind of “out there”, but there you are. The thought gives me reassurance and peace. Maybe it’s my version of some of the Eastern religions which give different deities their own attributes. Perhaps the various deities are simply aspects of the Creator. Or maybe it’s similar to some indigenous beliefs about the sacredness of everything—the Dreamtime, the rocks and rivers, the plants and animals. It’s the hugeness of The Great Spirit made personal.

Anyway, that’s where my thoughts run to when I meditate and when I pray. I’m grateful, every day, for my team of 14 (more or less) Angels.

And Let it Begin with Me

 I sing the song every Sunday at my spiritual home: Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me…🎶

It occurred to me that whatever it is that I want, it must begin with me. Respect? Sure, but do I respect myself? Others? Give and take in proper balance? Am I a giver? A taker? Is it more one than the other? What can I do to even the scale? 

I want family reconciliation. Can I accept my part in the process? Can I let it unfold, or do I try to orchestrate? 

My days of being an innocent victim of everyone else’s actions are long gone. I am strong—I’ve proven that again and again, and although I could have done much better, I did as well as I was able to do at the time. I have always emerged from challenges stronger.

All I can do in any situation is to do my part. I have no say in how whatever I do or say is perceived, but, through honest dialog, my part will be revealed. I’m not in charge of whatever anyone else says or does, but I can recognize and honor my own boundaries and act accordingly. That’s my responsibility to myself. That’s letting it begin with me.

Today, I’m grateful for the song as my ear worm throughout the day: “Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me. Let there be peace on Earth, the peace that was meant to be. With God as Creator, family all are we. Let us walk with each other, in perfect harmony…🎶

Living in Gratitude

I live there. I express gratitude all the time. I acknowledge the obvious, and endeavor to find the more hidden things. I express gratitude for blessings and wonders in my life, and for those in the lives of others. That practice keeps me in constant conscious contact with my Creator. I keep that relationship close, whispering “Thank You” whenever the feeling strikes.

Today I’m grateful for getting back to this blog. I’m grateful for the friends who came over to my apartment to see my work, and for those who help me every day. I’m grateful for yummy food and yummier people in my life. I’m grateful for climbing Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs all the way to the top, and for being of assistance to others in whatever ways I can.

Today I’ll go to my spiritual home, then spend time with a close friend. Fellowship abounds! I will relax into whatever comes into this day, and I will find the blessings in each. 

Today I am grateful for the serenity brought on by gratitude.

I am an Ally

 Pride Month is over, but being an ally is ongoing. I totally believe that people should be able to define themselves in whatever way they find that fits them individually. Without being hassled. Without judgement. Without repercussions. With unconditional acceptance. 

If our body temple could use a little restructuring, I’m glad people have the right to do so. We see it all the time in many, many people—hair dyed a different color, a little nip and tuck, enlargements, reductions, add-ons and more. At most of these, we hardly notice. Procedures and practices exist so that we can feel a little better and more confident. I like to use a light smear of eye shadow. It makes me feel like I’ve made an effort!

If someone is perfectly fine with everything about themselves, even when that acceptance of themselves falls outside of societal norms, bravo! In years past, so many people-so many people-were denied the right to be themselves and to love whomever they loved. I don’t believe that emerging from the closet should be an emotional ordeal for any living, breathing, human being.

There are issues which are not as cut-and-dry as what I’ve pointed out, of course. Women’s sports, anyone? No issue is black or white—the shades of gray give us things to think about. But generally speaking, I want to ‘live and let live’. Which is more harmful: denying a person governance over their own bodies due to someone’s discomfort over that choice, or demanding that we live in a Stepford world?

I am grateful for the bravery and tenacity of those who came before, and for the continuing efforts of the many who are forced to continue to fight for this basic right of owning their own dignity. For my LGBTQI  brothers, sisters, and undecideds, I am an ally.

Deliciousness

 That was the word that popped into my head when I asked for a subject to write about today. So, okay! What do I find delicious?

The weather today is delicious. There are clouds blocking out the heat, resulting in a comfortable ambiance. It just feels good to be outside, and to have my balcony door wide open. The sun peeks through from time to time, blessing the ground with each ray. Totally yummy!

My life feels good. I understand boundaries more and more every day. I am no longer living as a victim or perpetrator, because I have grown in my awareness of each. I am at peace with myself most of the time. I am learning more every blessed day about how to care for and honor this body temple in which I reside. So tasty!

My psyche is content. It isn’t throwing out bundles of angst for me to figure out. I know what peace feels like. Mmmmm!

Relationships with people are positive. I am learning more and more every day to ‘live and let live’. You do you, Boo, and I’ll do me. I don’t have to behave in ways which don’t gibe with who I am, and I get to define those ways for myself. Very enjoyable!

My spiritual life is vivid and active. I love living in concert with my Creator, listening, responding, being in partnership with rather than being subject to. Exquisite! Heavenly!

Today I am grateful for just how delicious my life is. 

Yum!