I made a ridiculous decision yesterday, one which will cost me a lot of money. I went to a car dealership alone, just to test-drive a couple of cars. I had my mental check-list of needs, wants, and limits, but they all flew out the window with some very smooth salesmanship (and more than a little too much trust on my part).
I couldn’t hear my Guides in that situation. I was asking, but I wasn’t hearing—or more likely, wasn’t listening. Not for lack of trying, though. I just needed to step away for a moment and regroup, meditate, listen, and then act. But no—I let myself be seduced by BIGGER! BRIGHTER! NEWER!
It’s a done deal. I would have had to pay $250 for the privilege of changing my mind, so I passed. How is it that I can ignore red flags, or paint them bright green? I’ve written about how I used to ask that what I wanted be God’s will. I thought I had learned that lesson. I was convinced that I had grown through that shortcoming, but hello! There it was again.
Don’t get me wrong—it’s a very decent car which ticked some of the boxes for me, and it will hopefully last long enough to be my last car. That’s my aim. The goal now is to accept my willingness to be fooled out of my own innate good sense, and to see my failings for the blessings they are. I can beat myself up, or I can allow the vehicle to do it’s job and be thankful every time I drive it.
There are lessons everywhere, every day. Some are innocent, some are sweet, and some leave a few welts. I am thankful that it is within my means to pay my new monthly bill, and that I am in a very safe vehicle. I am grateful knowing that I need not judge myself for being human, and that beyond my errors, all is still and forever well. For that, I can find peace and give thanks.
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