Expectations

 Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.   Anne Lamott

What happens when I have an expectation of someone else? I have placed my idea of an outcome on to another. I have forgotten that they are a sovereign person who has their own thoughts and motivations. Can I possibly really know what they are? I can perhaps make educated guesses, but that’s all they are—guesses.

What about when I have expectations of myself? Are they reasonable, based in reality, or have I drifted off into some fantasyland? Some are reasonable, as in expecting myself to make my bed in the morning, or expecting myself to wash my dishes and clothes and body. How about having an expectation that if I just work hard enough, I can run a marathon? Nope. With this body and these joints, that expectation would just lead to disappointment and frustration, and more than a little bit of pain.

Having expectations of others is nothing more than a recipe for, as Anne says, resentment. When I have a resentment, I start making up a story around it in order to justify my position. My imagination is good if I’m trying to solve a problem or create something, but it is sadly out of place in trying to ascribe reasons for what I can’t possibly know (and is probably none of my business).

Today, I’m grateful for the freedom found in simply letting others show up in whatever way they choose, or not at all. I can be okay with that—therein lies peace.

St. Francis Got it Right

 The end of his famous prayer asks “Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted—to understand, than to be understood—to love, than be loved…”

The focus is on others. How do my actions affect others? Am I adding value to the experience of those I encounter, or do I want to be the recipient? Am I being ‘me’ focused, or ‘others’ focused? It’s a challenge, isn’t it! How do I take care of my own needs if I’m only paying attention to yours?

Life is balance. It’s the yin/yang symbol, ever revolving, each aspect supporting the other, each containing a little bit of the other. ☯️

I have experienced the validity of this. For example, yesterday I was part of a trio gently singing to people who are facing their last days on this mortal plane. Getting to the place was confusing, there was no parking, one of the residents was in distress and was ignored by staff as he kept crying out for help, and I was in a mood. Then, with each person we sang to, the joy of life—even in this place—was returned. Each person received the love and comfort we intended for them. When that happens, it becomes a two-way street of each one of us receiving the sense of ease in the moment.

That might be considered a ‘return on investment’. In offering what may be needed in the moment to another, my soul is fed. It’s a by-product, not the goal of the action, but it’s every bit as effective. How could I be happy if all I did was think of and ask that my personal needs be met, leaving others to fend for themselves? What kind of world would that be? All I have to do is turn on the news to see the answer.

I dream of a New World. It needs people who consider the needs of others, then take action. My gratitude today is for the peace which arises from being of service to others. May all beings know such peace. May all beings be released from selfishness and want. May all beings know happiness, and the sources of happiness. May all beings thrive.

Personal Belief Zone

 One of the great gifts of the 12-step programs is that the participants are encouraged to find their own concept of a “Higher Power”. How freeing that is! I was, in effect, given permission to be rid of the childish concept of a male, angry, punishing, judgmental god, in order to be open to whatever makes sense to me. It’s not a concept set in stone; I get to tweak it as my understanding grows, and as I grow.

For me, at least at this stage of my life, that Power is an omnipotent force of Love. This Love honors the laws of nature, which it developed. This Love is within me and everyone I meet, see, hear, and read about. Like the Great Spirit of the original North Americans, it is within everything—people, animals, trees, rocks, water, air. It is the Aboriginal Dreamtime, Hawai’ian’s Big Kahuna. It is that which can’t be defined or understood. It is the I AM.

I am a part of the I AM. I experience life as a unique soul, just like all the other unique souls. We are all the Creator experiencing Creation, feeling the sense of being separate and seeking the connection to Spirit which has never not been there.

I discover more every day. I grow in my felt connection to my Creator every time I focus and meditate. All that I do, that all of us do, is Holy. I aim to keep my actions from harming others, to be a positive expression of Love in Action. When harm or pain comes to others, I want to be a comfort to them, as a living manifestation of that Love.

My understanding of my Higher Power is just that—mine. You get to have your own. We can’t possibly understand the undefinable, so we have the opportunity to describe it to the best of our ability and understanding, then live according to whatever guidelines that conjures up for us. 

I’ve given you mine, for which I’m grateful every day. What is yours?

Celebrations

 Gratitude abounds in celebrations!

Yesterday was one of those days. I had lunch with some friends, one of whom was celebrating her passage into sober living. She’s lived through disappointments and challenges, all while looking squarely at them with a clearer mind than when she avoided the same and other issues by numbing her brain with substances. That’s huge! 

Then, last night I had dinner with a different group of friends, many of them new to me, to celebrate the same for a man who has known peace of mind and clarity of thought for well over 35 years. Amazing! 

The thread of continuity for both is the fact that they keep their sobriety front and center. This isn’t a deal that just happens once and done; it’s an on-going process, a way of life, a daily renewal of guiding principles. It’s what I think of daily as I live my life and walk my chosen path. I, like both of them, meet regularly with others to offer encouragement and to receive the same. Those principles inform my decisions and guide me in this Earth School.

Last week I celebrated another year into my eighth decade, and I did so with dear friends. Yesterday I celebrated the accomplishments of chosen family members, making new friends in the process. Today I will celebrate all that I encounter as I experience it all anew.

Living life as a celebration keeps me glowing!

My ESC

 I have an Emotional Support Cat. She’s a feisty, energetic, tiny (but bigger everyday) calico. Her antics delight me, her racing around the bed wakes me (and I’m okay with that), her curiosity makes me laugh, and her purrs are golden. 

I still have a discolored, hard scar where my emotional non-support cat fanged me. What an excellent metaphor for life! Just because I labeled him as supportive didn’t make it so, sadly. Like anything which doesn’t fit, I had to pass him along. Good luck to the current family, and good riddance, Fang. I tried, it didn’t work, I moved on.

I asked my Creator for emotional support, and it was given to me, not just in the feline form, but in human form as well. Friends, current and from long ago, are there, lifting me up. My family loves and supports me. A fine fellow came into my life, holding my heart gently. My aura is glowing!

I live by myself, but I am never alone. I guess the truer statement is that my ESC is my roommate, but she doesn’t do chores. She knows where to do her business, though, which I appreciate! All I have to do is watch her play to put a delighted smile on my face. 

Sometimes, the ‘little’ things are massive, a few moments of joy elevate my mood for hours, and I am reminded over and over that all I need to do is ask the Universe, then be content in the Now. Every tiny Now is all I ever need and want, powered by the purrs of my ESC.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety-Jig

 How would I know how great it is to come home if I never left? How could I taste adventure if I never ventured? 

I’m back home after a short but mighty visit with friends. I’m happy to be back, and I’m ecstatic that I took the opportunity to go. It was, as most vacations are, those happy moments where daily responsibilities are temporarily set aside. Coming home places me right back in the immediacy of all those things which must be faced and tamed, dealt with and put away. 

I’m grateful to be able to do just that. My normal sleep schedule will return, my kitten will once again see my face, hear my voice, and know my touch as I pet her, and the rhythm of my days will return as if I hadn’t left at all. But I’ll know. I’ll remember. And that memory will keep my spirit soaring.

These are the days not of ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’, but of saying yes to moments, yes to opportunities, yes to my own happiness. There was a long period of time where I existed in the land of blaming others. I couldn’t experience happiness because I wouldn’t be responsible for my own decisions. I had no idea how to ‘adult’. I’ve since learned that the very act of placing blame for my problems on others is tantamount to handing the keys to my queendom over to the first rogue who claimed to know me better than I could know myself.

Not any-mo-ore🎶. I know I need my friends, and I know that I can make my own decisions. I have come home to myself.

Carpe Diem

 That was one birthday message which I received today, and I liked it! Grab the day! Seize it! All I have is this one precious day, and I’m going to find all the enjoyment in it to take in as well as to share. 

We celebrated my birthday a day early yesterday with friends and a fabulous homemade lemon meringue cheesecake, which was also my breakfast today. What a great start! Today, I will be enjoying sights and delicious food with my pals. We’ll reminisce some, but we will mostly simply live in this day in which we are actually together, enjoying each others company in the moment. 

What a great plan for every day—grab it, live it, enjoy it, use it up completely! How many days gone by have not been seized and used? How many days have I just let go by? Too many! 

Birthdays and New Year’s Eves are typically markers in our lives. What have I accomplished? Who have I hurt or diminished and what can I do to atone? Am I being my best self? What are my goals, and what steps am I taking to achieve them? Am I who I say I am?

One day at a time I can ask myself the same questions. I don’t need to wait for special days to make assessments. I can do it every day, and I can resolve to seize every day. When each day is over, I can assess whether or not that’s just what I’ve done, and I can either feel fine about the outcome or love  myself for trying. I can go to sleep knowing that if I am given another day, I get to try again. No false expectations, just an acceptance of possibilities.

Today, I am going to seize the hell out of this day. I’m going to carpe the wonder and joy of this diem.

Friendships

 Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.   From Girl Scouts

Gratitude has a home in friendships. I am currently with some friends from 50 years ago, which doesn’t feel as weird as that sounds. We shared some unique experiences as touring actors, and decided to take the opportunity to visit each other, almost on a whim. Most of us are retired. We’re all “old” by some standards. We’ve met each other where we all are in life right now, while enjoying the stories of our exploits.

Friendships are vital to life. I’ve had some stellar friends, and have discovered how easily some can be lost due to name changes, life changes, or plain old inattention. Social media has been an amazing way for many to reconnect, which has been a fabulous thing! I often think about those dear people I’ve lost connection with, and continue to search for them. Meanwhile, I get to enjoy renewed relationships and catching up with life-long pals. So, Sweetie - whatcha been doin’ for the past few decades?

In my life, I’ve had similar “unique” experiences as others: births, deaths, careers tried, successes and many failures, exhilaration and extreme sadness, hobbies, favorites, all of the ups and downs inherent in living fully. I get to hear about how those I’ve known for so long have met challenges and navigated troubles, how they’ve loved, what they’ve regretted, who they are, deep down, that has never changed through all the tests. 

New friends teach me new methods and ways of living. Old friends offer the same, with the added benefit of my knowing where they’ve come from. Those who knew me so long ago are still the participants in the evolving story of me, just as I am in theirs. There is a sense of lasting meaning in that, a continuation which acknowledges the bumps in the road, but does not stop at any one of them. 

Today, I am grateful for those who have offered me the hands of friendship, hands which reach out in the warmth of recognition and love.

Simple Joys

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.  Thich Nhat Hanh

I was busily playing solitaire on my propped tablet last night when I was delighted by the sudden appearance of my kitten’s head peeking over the top. She ducked down as quickly as I noticed her, thus beginning a game of peek-a-boo. I’d duck, she’d duck. I peeked around the side, then her head, just one eye showing, peeked around the side as well. Her paw would appear over the top, resulting in a new screen appearing, then the peeking and poking continued for a fun little while. Instant joy!

Through persistence and intention, I am noticing and appreciating more deeply the things which bring joy to not only myself, but to others. When I give  a thumbs-up to the driver of a fancy, expensive car—or an old restored one—I get to share in their joy. Most often, they return the gesture with a big smile. I’ve said to some that it must be great fun to drive such a car, and their response is always positive. That positive reaction gives me more joy.

When I sit in my living room in the morning, I start with a lovely breve latte. That java is joy in a mug. The morning breeze through the open balcony door brings a soothing joy, and when it is accompanied by birdsong, that joy is multiplied. When I take a moment to connect with my Creator to give thanks and to simply listen in meditation, my soul is soothed. Can that be another form of joy? I think so.

Allowing the peace of joy to show, I can’t help but to smile. In that simple act, in the relaxing of stress resulting from a peaceful smile, I am ready to find all the joy the day will bring, to others as well as to myself.

A Co-Creating Partnership

 My Creator has given me (and everyone) the gift of being co-creators. What fun! What joy there is in imagining an outcome, then working towards it’s becoming reality! This happens within the natural laws of nature—I’m not going to create a lotto win, for instance (I know this from experience…).

What I mean is that I get to create in many ways, starting by envisioning the outcome, then working towards it’s implementation. I had a lucid dream one night where, in my dream, I was admiring a beautifully carved piece of wood. My conscious mind told me that if I could imagine (dream) such a thing, I could create it. I didn’t wake up and run out to get carving supplies. I know that to create anything beautiful, I have to follow the steps necessary to achieve that goal. In the case of the beautiful wooden sculpture, I would have to learn the basics, practice, and fail over and over again to even come close to the mental image.

That practice and repeated failure keeps me humble and grounded, but doesn’t have to take away the drive and desire to try. In the trying, maybe I discover other things which can manifest more readily. Who knows? The joy is in the trying, and in the belief in my own efforts in partnership the the Creator of All, where the drive originates.

Many people have told me “I’m not creative”, but I believe that all of life is a creative endeavor. If I picture healthiness, I will follow-up with actions which will help achieve that. If I picture an inviting environment, I will find ways of making it so.

Today, I’m grateful for the many ways in which I can explore my creativity.

The Magic of Gratitude

 Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.  A.A. Milne

Expressing gratitude is inviting even a “Very Small Heart” to grow beyond it’s perceived limits. Gratitude expands—if we let it. Finding the things to be thankful for helps me focus on the positive aspects of every day living. I never used to appreciate the wisdom of saying grace before a meal, but now I see that it is an opportunity to slow down and appreciate something often taken for granted. It seems to me that it could be like that in many small ways throughout the day, with each acknowledgment of gratitude building on the ones that came before.

Imagine if, simply by feeling the warm vibrations of gratitude over and over, we could find that our main emotion is happiness! Contentment! A heart grown larger simply by saying “Thank You” for every little thing, and truly meaning it. 

Doing so invites me to notice what’s happening around me rather than blindly miss the myriad of small wonders I encounter every day, with every blessed breath. 

May I always be open and aware of all the good which exists, and may my heart grow a little bit more with each moment of thanks. It’s true magic.

A Fresh Breeze

 Gratitude brings a fresh breeze to my days. It flows gently around all that I do, all that I experience, all that I learn. It ripples my drapes and moves the stagnant air out. It fills me with life and gently envelops me. I breathe it in and breathe it out. It revitalizes me and reminds me that I am worthy of being filled with it.

Gratitude brings a smile to my face. It shows me balance, yin and yang, the Oneness of All. It allows me to start over anytime I want. It brings peace and contentment, moment by moment. Gratitude is in forgiveness, in allowing or in refusing to allow, in making mistakes and learning the lessons in them, in finding my North Star and moving ever forward.

Gratitude is in my morning coffee, my ability to move, to enjoy the antics of my energetic kitten, to pray for those who have lost their connection, and those I learn about as I read the paper. 

It meets me as I meet others. It’s in my neighbors, my friends, my sweet family members. It’s in a quick hug or a lover’s embrace.

Gratitude is in my experiences with this one glorious life, cleansing me with it’s every breeze.

Having Enough

 You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?   Steven Wright

I may have used this quote before. Steven Wright’s humor just cracks me up!

When I practice gratitude for what I have, I get to experience contentment. What a gift! The constant wanting for more never ends by the receiving, because there is always more to want. What a waste of time that is. I know this for sure, because it is a recurring lesson.

I got to sit in a gloriously beautiful backyard of an equally gorgeous home last night for a yard concert. It was divine! The setting was gasp-worthy. If I were in the state of wanting, I wouldn’t have enjoying being there as much as I did, because I would have been consumed by wanting my own back yard, my own glorious plantings, my own beautiful house. The music would have been tinged with the bitter green of envy, and I would have left the event feeling ‘less than’ and ‘not enough’. 

I choose to not live that way. I have learned to appreciate the backstory behind every possession, rather than feel a resentment for not having my own. What work went into that thing I’m appreciating? What education and experience went into the career which allowed such a bounty to be had? How much purposeful extra education was needed? Etcetera! What I do have is enough. In fact, I have more than enough—I have plenty.

When I practice gratitude for all that I have, I teach myself appreciation. I learn to notice the details, see the wonder, feel a sense of joyful calm, and carry on.

Today I am grateful for having enough—and more.

Twelve-Steppin’

 I am in a couple of 12-step groups, and I probably qualify for several more. Right now, I’ll limit myself to the ones I attend, but the principles work for all aspects of my life. No one needs to say “I’m so-and-so, and I’m a whatever” in order to benefit from the very basic—but oh, so profound—concepts encapsulated within those 12 steps which are the foundation of every one of the over 130 different types of groups.

So, the whole purpose of any of these groups is to have a spiritual awakening. I go because I had a specific problem. It has been and continues to be acknowledged and dealt with. I stay because it offers me a spiritual way of living my life and of viewing all that I experience. All of life is holy. All experiences are the curriculum of this life school, and how I respond is the way I show either growth or where attention is needed.

Life can give us some pretty difficult situations. Without a spiritual basis of operating, the temptation is to return to the old default setting of ineffective and self-destructive behavior, leaving damage in my wake. This is my truth, anyway, and I know I’m not alone, because within the ‘rooms’, all are free to share their own struggles and victories, free from judgement or unhelpful, unsolicited suggestions. I hear ‘my story’ as they share theirs.

I have learned to remove the masks I used to wear, and just be free to be myself. I am who I am, and I am enough. I love who I am today, thanks to the work I’ve done, the people I’ve worked with, and the brave souls who expose their own frailties and solutions.

Today, I’m grateful to be dancing the 12-Step Boogie!

Surprises

No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. To those who knock it is opened.  C.S. Lewis

There are happy surprises, and there are challenging ones. It is entirely possible to have gratitude for both; I can feel grateful for the joys in life, and I can equally be thankful (usually after the fact) for the ones which are the fodder for lessons. It’s all in how I choose to receive them.

For me, gratitude is the doorway to joy, peace, and serenity. Feeling gratitude is always a choice, sometimes requiring me to practice patience, sometimes making me see with a new outlook, but always leading to the tranquility of inner stillness.

When I can let go of specifics while holding a feeling of all being well, I am often surprised by the sense of well-being which washes over me. This is serenity. When I feel free to revel in the presence of the happy surprises, I am rewarded with joy. When I step back to take a breath and look at a situation without clouding it by expectation, I am given peace.

There is such strength in the expression of gratitude! It takes me out of the helplessness of victimhood, and into the ease of inner peace. It sees me through, it nurtures me, it calms my soul, it releases me from worry.

The power of gratitude is the happiest of surprises.

Taming the Tangles

 Have you ever tried to brush out a hair tangle? It’s tricky, and counter-intuitive. Normally, you brush from the top down, but it’s opposite when trying to detangle, otherwise you just tighten the knots and have to finally get the scissors and cut it out.

Sometimes there are life situations which get all tangled up. What to do? Patiently try to undo it, or just go straight for the scissors, then deal with all the trimmed edges? How do I learn how the tangles formed? How do I prevent more of the same from forming?

I see myself as both sovereign and subject. I am sovereign in that I have free will. I have agency. I get to make my own choices, then own the outcomes. If a choice serves me well, I grow, but if my choice is less than optimum, I’ll probably find that I am creating tangles which will have to eventually be dealt with. I’m subject in that life exists within parameters of natural laws which, when challenged, will always prevail.

I’m learning to always consult with the Higher Law which governs all. I believe we all have guides and angels and ascended masters and ethereal teachers to call upon. That’s what works for me. Others might try the two-chair approach, asking from one, and answering from the other. There are many approaches one can take—I prefer the one I use. It goes along with asking that I receive guidance to move always toward my highest good.

Prayer and meditation—the tag-team of communication with my Creator. It is the De-tangler, the Way, the Light on my path. I’m grateful for that Presence, always gently guiding me, even after I’ve chosen to try to walk a tangled path.

Moving Into Gratitude

 Oftentimes, forward motion has to be deliberate. I find it to be so with gratitude, because let’s face it—not everything makes us want to say ‘thank you’ as we experience life. It is human to trip up, to fall, to feel as though the rain will never stop obscuring the healing sunshine. What’s a person to do?

For me, the answer is to find something, anything, which lifts my spirits, and express gratitude for it. I can gradually expand the parameters to include the less-obvious occurrences and experiences. There is always some aspect of that for which I can give thanks. Sometimes the good stuff is perfectly obvious, but more often, I need to pull out the metaphorical magnifying glass and seek out what the blessing is.

I’m a person who has spent far too much time in self-pity and sad frustration. That is not where to find gratitude! Not easily, anyway. What I’ve learned is that finding joy is an individual endeavor. No one can hand me my joy, or show me where to find it. I can see how others have found their own and have tried to share it, but mine is personal to me and must be discovered (or uncovered) by me.

My choices are these: fight to change the unchangeable, or find those cracks which, as Leonard Cohen said, let the light in. I choose light over darkness, even in those times when darkness is all I can see, because I know—without a doubt—the Light will finally show itself.

Today, gratitude comes easily. I will hold the memory of that to help me move into gratitude when it’s hard to find. Meanwhile, I will celebrate this day, this beautiful, marvelous day!

Daily Gratitude

 No oblique quote today. I’m just keeping it simple.

Having gratitude is what this is all about. Purposefully finding whatever exists in my life now for which I can feel truly grateful is how it’s done. It’s the fruit of mindfulness, I think. It comes from a mindset of recognizing beauty and grace all around me.

Today, I get to watch as my kitten romps, climbs, hunts, and plays. She’s a delight! I get to revel in her revelry! As I interact with her, I have no problems or worries because I am in the moment of play. 

There is a jetted hot tub where I live. I get to enjoy sitting in the warmth which eases all physical pain. That’s another thing for which I’m grateful. I’m usually the only one in the tub, which means I can fully relax. When I’m there with another person, we both relax into easy conversation as we are pampered by the heat. 

The weather lately has been extraordinarily comfortable. That makes gratitude very easy. And yet, if I weren’t attuned to finding and expressing gratitude, I might just not notice any of these things. I’d probably think that this day is comfortable, yes, but soon it will be hot. When I think that way, I’m not enjoying what’s happening now. That’s the point.

Once the weather inevitably turns hot, I will be ever so grateful for air conditioning. I will have gratitude for the swimming pool which adjoins the hot tub, where I can get some exercise in a refreshing way. 

I am deeply thankful for the people in my life, and how they support me with friendship, challenge me with our differences, or simply bring a smile to my face. They all help me grow and learn.

On this beautiful day where gratitude comes easily, I will breathe it in and bask in how it makes me feel, and I will invite those whom I meet along the way to join me in the same. Selah! 

ImPermanent

 By the roadside grew - A rose of Sharon. My horse - Has just eaten it.   Matsuo Basho

What an interesting little quote greeted me as I opened a small book of thoughts on a few topics. This one was on impermanence, an issue which is, ironically, constant.

What in my life is permanent? Is it an object? A belief? A person? A place? Objects break or are lost - impermanent. Beliefs change according to one’s understanding - impermanent. People leave, places change - all are impermanent. What, then, can I stand on? Where do I fit? How can I feel safe?

I think the object may be to find my sense of permanence within the impermanent. While I, this earth-bound human, am not a permanent fixture in any sense, I still exist. I am Here, Now. Not permanent in the sense of being here forever—permanence in the Now. I always have Now.

Today, in this Now in which I have thoughts, take action, dream—however I choose to experience the moment, I choose to live in it fully, totally, with all of myself. There is nothing in my Now which is too holy to investigate, or so important that it must stay the same. This consciousness behind my eyes will take it all in, knowing that all it experiences is both personal and impersonal, permanent and impermanent.

Today, I choose to greet it all with gratitude. Each thought, each experience, every little thing is a miracle, no matter how long it lasts.

The Sweetest Things

 The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life’s plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.  Robert Louis Stevenson

When I was growing up, my favorite weekly chore was cleaning the bathroom. Yep, an odd choice. There were two things about it which made it my fave: it was the littlest room, and the results were sparklingly obvious. 

I would go about my task with vigor, scrubbing everything, everywhere. It didn’t take a terribly long time, and nobody in the family of 6 were particularly sloppy in their bathroom habits (but then, I didn’t have a blacklight - that may have changed things, but I doubt it). Everything was washable, including my hands afterwards. The room would fairly glow as much as my pride in my work, as I called my mom to come take an obligatory look around. There was something wonderful in feeling like I had done a good job at even this potentially icky task.

I can fall under the spell of ‘bigger equals better’, or wanting more than I have while not noticing the abundance at hand right now. How easy it is to ignore those sweet things when my head is filled with thoughts of lack or not being “good” enough. I live in a rather small one-bedroom apartment, stuffed to the gills with enough to make an apartment twice as large feel fully used, and yet I can feel the need to bring more into it. Why can I sometimes not find satisfaction in all that I have right now?

I lack for nothing. I have all I need with enough to share. In this moment, I recognize that real abundance, and am grateful for it. 

Food, shelter, plenty of extras, and all the souls who bless my life—these are truly the sweetest things.

The Queen of Water

 Queen of Water — Power of Love    The Queen is larger, more colorful, more intricate, far deeper and higher than we can conceive. The Queen powerfully engages with others. She is not beautiful because of her face and body. She is beautiful because life flows through her freely and is expressed freely. What would happen if you allowed yourself powerful loving expression?   Rev. Penny Clement, from one of her many beautifully illustrated tarot decks

I was in a large circle of women today, exploring the power of chi both individually and collectively. It was powerful and left me wanting to learn more about this energy. The facilitator has studied chi and Eastern modalities of healing for decades, and was an informative, loving force of nature. This was one of those times when I was left wanting more. I love when that happens!

Getting together with like-minded people is invaluable to me, whether in the 12-step rooms, or at my spiritual home. When ideas and experiences are shared, the learning is greatly enhanced. I learn from the insights of others, as I explore my own thoughts. We all grow in our human experience when we are given permission to be completely ourselves in a safe, supportive environment. 

One of the ways we extend our session together is to gather, those who can stay longer, for a group tarot reading, facilitated by our resident artist and card creator. We decide together what our intention is, then we intuitively draw a card from one of several decks, keeping it face down. We then present our cards, one at a time, as we feel inspired to do so. It’s an amazing process to watch how a theme presents itself, then offers clarity in it’s implementation.

Penny, our creative Queen, brought along a painting to raffle just prior to doing the card reading. It only seemed right when the winning ticket went to the day’s facilitator. Although I had really wanted the painting, I was perfectly at ease with the drawing’s result. After the group reading, though, she said that she felt that the painting should go to someone else, and asked who that might be. I raised a finger (I didn’t want to be pushy or greedy!), and it was given to me!

Honestly, right now my life is magical! I will enjoy this moment, this day, these feelings, and will remember how I feel right now in my body. This is but an instant, but this short time sparkles with joy and anticipation and gratitude.

Ease

 I love the word ‘ease’. It allows. It flows. 

I became aware of the simple power of that word when it was the choice of a friend of mine. We were at a prayer garden in Mount Shasta, at which strips of cloth and markers were provided. All visitors were invited to take a strip, and write a single word. The cloth was then tied to nearby trees as symbols of one-word prayers. 

Her choice of the word ‘ease’ was beautiful in it’s depth, because she knew she was dying from stage 4 stomach cancer. She wished to die with ease, and that is just what she did—simply and courageously.

We die as we live. This is a nugget of truth most people don’t care to think about, because we, as a culture of youth, like to push thoughts of death aside. We seem to think that if we never mention it, we won’t be touched, or if we mention it at all, we’ll be inviting death to visit too soon. 

When I focus on gratitude, I am living in this moment. I have this moment to live fully, to enjoy, to explore, to express creativity and joy. I am inviting ease into each moment. I am accepting the gift of Now.

In this Now, I feel a depth of gratitude for this day. My plan is to go to a lovely park this morning to sing with big-hearted individuals. We sing to each other, for each other, and for the world. We’ll practice songs which will invite ease into the lives of those who are heading into their transitions from this life. In the process, we will all emerge with joy in our hearts, which will allow the serenity of ease to wash over us in all we do. 

Just for today, I will allow gratitude to ease my path.

First World Problems

 I don’t suffer from lack. Even when my bank account is nothing but an echo chamber, I have all I need and so much of what I want. How many people in the world can say that? If I decide to go on a fast, it’s by choice rather than circumstance. How many people in the world today are on involuntary fasts due to awful conditions? If I indulge in feeling sad about something personal, that sadness may be real, but it is temporary. ‘This too shall pass’.

At this moment, I look out my balcony door onto the fresh green of Spring’s awakened trees. There are blooms all around, and the heady scent of Star Jasmine delights my senses. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, and when I hear a jet overhead, I know it is simply a transport rather than a reason to take cover. How blessed I am!

I have a refrigerator and a pantry full of food. I have a fan gently stirring the air around me. I have a kitten who is bonding with me, climbing into my lap with no prompting in order to lull me into peace with her tiny purring. When awake, she delights me with her running, jumping, and hunting prowess as she runs from feather prey to furry prey and back again.

I have people in my life who care deeply about me, and whom I, in turn, love and respect. Family, friends, a lover—I want for nothing. I’ll be traveling soon with a friend from decades ago to visit a mutual friend from the same era. What joy! I have family I can visit whenever I have the opportunity, and can enjoy them where they live and play. More joy! I don’t even have to save up to see them in person—technology puts us in each others’ living rooms!

These things and so much more are what I am grateful for on a daily basis. There is power in naming them, feeling them, filling myself with them. They allow me the perspective to see that when I’m absorbed in difficulties, I’m still a blessed person. 

Problems will arise, and they will find resolution and pass, because that’s what life includes. All things considered, I’m a very fortunate woman, living in this First World.